Local straight man John O’Mahoney ventureed into The George, a dublin based night club/gay bar for the first time. Coming to the all too common but false conclusion that every man there is trying to get with him.

“I don’t have a problem with it or anything,” John insisted, looking behind him to see if anyone’s checking him out. “It’s just a bit of a shock you know? Getting all this attention.”

Throughout the night John mistook every interaction with a man to be their attempt to be an attempt on their part to pull him. John was quick to point out to anybody he spoke to that he was straight, alleging that he didn’t want to ‘lead them on’.

While following him for forty minutes, our reporter witnessed John rebuff four different people. In the bathroom stall, a man complimented John’s shirt while he was washing his hands.
“I’m really flattered,” John said, “but I’m actually straight.”

After going to the bathroom, John ventured to the bar to get a drink. As he was waiting to order, another patron ordered two pints (for himself) “Oh none for me thanks, I’m actually straight.” John left the bar without his pint as to ‘not make things too awkward’.

John then went to the smoking area where a drag queen asked him if he had a lighter. “I’m really sorry man, I mean uh miss, I mean… your highness,” John fumbled through his words and his pockets to produce a lighter for the queen, after a long awkward pause, John uttered his catch phrase for the night “but I’m actually straight” to the confused drag queen who is reported to have taken a liking to the pronoun ‘your highness’ despite referring to John as “that twat who left without his lighter”.

Our reporter met up with John back inside on the dance floor. As John danced badly to ‘Voulez Vous’ he unsubtly nudged his head towards another man whom he believed was checking him out.

In a follow up interview with local drag queen Poppi Cock, she had this to say about John. “There’s at least one of them here every night,” she took a drag of her cigarette and handed our reporter back John’s lighter and continued. “There kinda cute, in a blissfully vain asexual sort of way. Like a puppy looking at himself in the mirror.”

When asked if he would go to the George again, John said that it was all a bit too much for him. “I might have to leave the field fallow for a bit. Maybe go every other month or something.”