Preliminary talks in first Irish Parents’ Union break down over poor wi-fi connection

Ireland’s first parent union, IMMERSION had their EGM disrupted today with members reporting low wi-fi connection speeds, due to their “kids always being on that blessed iPad.”

Minutes of the agenda obtained through the Freedom of Information Act 2014 revealed that ‘synchronized nap time schedules for infants’ and ‘topics to bring up in conversation to your artistic son now that The Sunday Game is cancelled,’ were among the items for discussion.

Talks of the group’s formation began in March of this year, when a WhatsApp group first notified the parents that they would be unable to leave their house for work and would be restricted to close quarters with their young.

“We are concerned for the safety of the nation and our children’s future, of course, but our group pushes for the return to traditional social distancing, when I only had to see my kids at the weekend when they came home from college with the washing,” said Chairperson Linda Doherty.

Receiving Netflix subsidies, workout streaming royalties and luxury vouchers are among some of the group’s aims when they begin talks with the government in the coming weeks.

“We’re not asking for much,” said Doherty, “but we do think that this whole malarkey with the corovid virus would go a lot smoother if parents were given some sort of incentive to look after there kids. Sure vouchers are not a big ask, and they’re still good for a couple of months after their expiration date.”

Speaking at a remote location, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar welcomed the idea of engaging with groups to promote parent rights and urged parents not to feel obligated to engage with family-based activities for the sole purpose of sharing on social media. “One or two odd families here and there can be entertaining, but it runs the risk of having a knock-own effect of going viral and that’s the last thing our health service needs right now. Trust me, I’m a doctor.”

When asked if his warnings came amid the lackluster response to his own attempt of gaining Youtube fame with his “google answers” video in January, he deflected the question, stating that it was about time he saw another patient.

The Association of Secondary Teachers, Ireland (ASTI) were contacted for comment on whether they would support IMMERSION’s goals, but the reporter was unable to decipher what was being said due to the blaring BBQ playlist coming from the offices.

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