Luke ‘Ming’ Flanagan is to host the after-sesh for the ‘Advancements in the Age of Cannabis’ convention later this evening. The event, a gathering of cannabis experts promoting the medical and entrepreneurial value of everyone’s favourite magical plant (as well as new techniques for getting proper baked) will be held in the Smock Alley Theatre and will be followed by a sesh only Ireland’s greatest bog-cutting advocate could throw.

Experts who will be attending said after-sesh include lifetime dope advocates Cheech and Chong; esteemed seshmothologist Copernicus Beaker whose recent PHD proved the positive effects on predrink banter when switching from shcoops to spliffs; Snoop Dog, who has recently returned from an expedition with Amazonian shamans to discover ancient weed strains; and Pablo Escobar’s former public relations officer ‘La Quica’, now riding high off the fame of Narcos and hoping to enter a more legal drug business.

‘Ming’ Flanagan himself is to present a lecture prior to his ‘Hash Bash’ on his latest innovation, the ‘Weed Briquette’, fireplace friendly weed that will keep the whole family warm and groovy throughout the winter months. As legal weed dealing in America is estimated to make a 22.8 billion profit by 2020 many keen-eyed Irish entrepreneurs are seeking to cultivate a cannabis market here, an ambition ‘Ming’ Flanagan is passionately promoting at his after-sesh.

“Ever since college it’s been my dream to transform the rolling bogs of western Ireland into a thriving hub of cannabis production. We’re going to be the Amsterdam of the Atlantic boys! Parties all ready to go – Spotify tunes chosen; Beatles and Tame Impala, don’t get groovier than that. BYOB of course too, bongs not beer. The place is going to be hopping! Though not literally because we’ll be baked! Smock Alley Theatre – more like … Smog Alley Theatre! ahahaaa, ahaa… did you get that? The smog from ahem, the bongs and the – like the burning weed – cos it gets all smoky and, ok… yeah I better go check if the brownies have cooked properly…”

Though keen to advocate the use of cannabis based products in a strictly medical capacity, ‘Ming’ has suspiciously hung party banners with the words ‘Roscommon Cartel 2020’ around the venue and urged his invites to dress up as their favourite characters from Narcos, Breaking Bad or Pineapple Express. He has also commissioned Waterford Crystal to create a luxury glass bong – for display purposes only, on his blunt laden coffee table.

Rumours abound that both Michael D Higgins and Harambe will be calling over around 2 AM with their own stashes of the old five leafed clovers; the former renowned for being down with dope smoking beatniks and the latter formerly having a career in cannabinoid research before a five-year-old tried to steal his PHD experiments, leading to tragedy.

I’ll show you how we throw a sesh out west!” ‘Ming’ told us excitedly as we vacated the venue, “I’ll show you all the true meaning of forty shades of green!”

Drivers are asked to avoid the Temple Bar area tonight as the predicted smog clouds emanating from the theatre will make visibility hazardous.

Ryan Murphy