Mick is a candidate from South Leitrim and plans on making Leitrim the tourist capitol of the world. He plans on building a giant roller coaster in place of the only hospital in the county and insists that people will come from far and wide to see the ‘dinosaur bone’ exhibition which is actually just a field where all the bones have decomposed.
Daniel O’Donnell’s lesser know evil twin, Mark is planning on ridding Donegal of cheesy country music. One of the promises on his manifesto was to bar old ladies from using youtube or buying CDs which would see a severe drop off in Dan’s fanbase.
Bridge wants to make Laoise great again. She wants modern medicines banned from the area and a return to horse and cart. She printed her manifesto on a leaf and drew crude sketches of herself on boulders as opposed to election posters. Houses in the area will be demolished and replaced by wattle and daub cottages should Bridge be elected. Every man in her constituency will be equipped with spears in order to hunt with money being done away with.
Mr. O’Halloran-O’Flaherty-McCarthy-Stevens-Murphy-Browne is a Fine Gael candidate in the South County Dublin constituency. Some of David’s aims are to create hummus only shops and make everyone wear a Leinster jersey every second of every day.
Jemma believes that Leo Varadkar is an alien sent down by George Soros (Emperor of Mars) to take away free speech. According to Jemma, Bono and Dustin the Turkey are behind an elaborate scheme to poison our water supply. She also believes that Italia 90 was staged by George Bush and that Ray Houghton is actually an actor.
This poor Kerry candidate can’t get the coverage he needs due to the famed fictional character. ‘Everyone thinks it’s some kind of joke’. ‘I’m actually a very decent candidate with some big plans for the future of Kerry’. These f**king people voted for the Healy Rae’s yet they scoff and chuckle when they drive past my poster.
Paddy is auld fella who accidently signed up to be candidate for South Tipperary. ‘I lost my fecking glasses and couldn’t see what I was typing on the that c***ing computer’. ‘I was trying to find my son Paddy Jr. on the facebook and next thing ya know my face is being plastered across the county. ‘ Paddy is currently firm favourite to be elected to the council.
That’s right, hes still alive and has taken the surprising choice of going up for the local elections in Roscommon. ‘Reality is wrong, improved secondary roads are for real’ said the former rapper. ‘Those potholes gotta be sorted out, you know wha i’m sayin?’. Tupac is expected to offer fierce competition to stalwart of Roscommon council Tom Corrigan.