Not content with the deaths of many beloved celebrities, 2016 has now decided to branch out into killing Cuban Revolutionaries. 

The year 2016 is to be charged for the mass murder of over 80 much loved celebrities, and also Pete Burns. 2016 has sparked outrage amongst social media users with @raceysusan dubbing it, “the worst year everfamous peeps [sic] are dying and I failed historymy granny used to go on about a war dis [sic] must be worse.”

An online petition has gathered over 40 million votes to prosecute 2016 and then authorities had no other option than to follow through. It was Facebook user John Johnston who started it when the very old and very sick entertainer Gene Wilder passed away. Johnston states, “When R2D2 and Mr. Fuji died, I thought that this was getting ridiculous, but I suppose the straw that broke the camels back was when 2016 killed Willy Wonka! I’m not having that!” Mr. Johnston, a well known conspiracy theorist who is friends with Jim Corr on the popular social media platform, also argued, “2016 is a communist, the world is changing man. It murdered Willy Wonka and now one of his Oompa Loompa’s has stepped up and runs the world!”

The defence team for 2016 argued that many of those that died this year were in their 80’s and as such the defendant was merely acting out the whims of nature. One prosecutor however, Sally Ann Annson, attempted to refute this argument by saying “Well my granda lived until he was 93 so I’m not having that.” 2016 has refused to comment but it is understood that it is trying to keep a low profile until the end of the year.

Alan McElroy