The 10 People You Meet At A College Pre–Drinks

No college night out is ever complete without a good craic pre drinks where all the real drama of the night takes place. None of this drunken, whirlwind drama would be possible without the help of these 10 types of pre-drinks soldiers.

The 30 second DJ
You know who you are. You arrive to pre drinks with a smug grin on your face, demand to know the whereabouts of the AUX cord letting everyone within a 10 mile radius that you will be the DJ for the evening. You then spend the rest of the night playing the first 30 seconds of every song on any Spotify playlist until eventually someone shouts “I love this song!”. Then, and only then do you know your work is done. Tiesto reborn.

“I’ll find a song they like one day…”

Roommate #1
This is the more sensitive soul of the group. They were manipulated into hosting pres by their other more craic-heavy (read: nascent alcoholic) roommate and spend the night worrying about the noise and mess. But even their constant shouts of, “Lads keep it down, one more warning and we’re out,” won’t stop the session and only makes their drunken friends role the eyes and complain about how dry they are.

The Social Smoker
Every group has one. In college, they come across as innocent as can be but with a few drinks in them that all changes. Suddenly they’re hanging out the window puffing like a train claiming that it’s disgusting but they only do it on a night out and “sure it’s awful social, great conversation starter”.

You may be young and beautiful, but expect a delivery of long term respiratory complaints.

The Snapchatter
Also known as the plague of the evening, and like the plague, they live in the desperate hope of going viral. They spend the night squealing, “awhhhh get in a snap,” while getting everyone in headlocks and basically take a picture of themselves. But they aren’t the worst of craic, they tend to live by the ‘do it for the snap’ motto and will literally do anything for a few screenshots. Oh the validation of others, how sweet your nectar is.

Don’t make the same mistakes as Justin, Snapchat with caution.

The Cheaplist lover
They’re the enemy when you’re drunk because they’re trying to ruin the craic. The constant complaining. The constant lust for discounts. The incessant pleas of, “Lads lets go before cheaplist ends,” or, “I have a card that gets us in free before half 8 so let’s go,” grows very old. But, then again they’re the ones you’re thanking at the bar when you’re buying 3 vodka red bulls with the tenner you saved. Curse them and their wise frugality.

Roommate #2
Also referred to as ‘the better craic roommate’. They’ve downed half the 70cl of Tesco Vodka and couldn’t care less about what their friends are doing to the apartment and when Roommate #1 comes up to complain, they whip out the typical, “Ah sure we’ll clean it in the morning calm down”.

The “I’m Fine” one
This poor thing is usually the one who shared the 70cl with Roommate #2. They have their head buried in the toilet, alternating between vomiting profusely and trying to convince their drunk babysitter that they’re fine. They usually end up being left behind because they’re only a liability. Get ready for the ‘I’m never drinking Tesco Vodka again’ speech the next day!

“Honestly, I’d be less drunk if I could just get these damn pants off!”

The “We’ll just steal someone else’s Hailo” one
There’s nothing worse than when its after 11 and no one has rang a taxi. Thankfully, we all have that one friend, usually a drunk lad with the confidence of a King, who will try and convince a Hailo driver that he is indeed Siobhán who ordered a taxi 15 minutes ago. If the taxi driver begins to protest that he doesn’t look like a traditional ‘Siobhán’ just repeatedly scream, “It’s the 21^st century, get over it!”. Sure isn’t it worth a try!

The one nobody knows
They sit in the corner sipping their drink making small talk while the rest of you look at each other and wondering who she is. Roommate #2 will convince you they know her but realistically they don’t have a clue. Just nod and smile.