The festival season is upon us. With Body & Soul coming this weekend, we at Oxygen.ie have come up with a list of how to blag your way through your music filled weekend.

When it comes to these smaller festivals such as Body & Soul, you will more than likely have to look up the acts online. Some of the main acts this year include Fever Ray, Chronixx and Jon Hopkins. Who are they you might ask? That’s a great question.

Have a look at each act on Youtube and see what they are like. Once that is done, you can blag to your mates that “We have to go and see Bitch Falcon and Mama Snake (Actual names) at Body & Soul this year, they are sick”. You will sound so cool in front of your friends.

The next thing to do is to google the Wikipedia page of some of the acts so you can sound smart to your friends on the way to the festival. Now some acts will be so obscure that they won’t have anything about them online, so just make up a few facts. As if your friends are going to know, they are in the same position as you. They will probably agree and say that they heard the same fact. This will also show that your friends are massive spoofers, just like you!

You have to be careful when it comes to talking about an act. There could be a case where a name sounds like it is a band, when it is actually a solo act. You don’t want to be saying things like “I love those guys” when it is actually a her or him. Try to avoid sentences like this at all costs.

One rule to follow when you are at the festival is to never admit that you don’t know who the acts are. When you are watching the act perform, every so often just turn to your pals and say “Awh I love this one” or “This is a tune”. Mime the words if there are any and try to pass off as if you have been following this band since the start.

If you miss a performance, pretend to be upset and say things like ” No way, I cannot believe I missed Saint sister play!” If you act well enough, your friends might pretend to be pissed off too.

There are also the obvious rules of dodging rough areas, finding a good food place to repeatedly go back to whenever you are starving and check how tight security is for sneaking in cans to the event. These are essential.

Follow these basic rules and you will be fine. You will look smart as well as hipster. Isnt that much better than admitting you know nothing about the festival you spent a couple of hundred to go to?

John McAuliffe

 

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