We’ve had Dublin By Pub and we’ve all heard of the likes of Guinness Adviser, but a new Instagram page that sprung up earlier this year is hoping to fill a gap in the market: Irish pubs’ best hand-dryers.

Sure, you might pull a decent pint of Guinness. Yeah, alright, you have a smoking area. But are my hands going to be effectively dried? Or am I going to have to spend my trip to the bathroom awkwardly balling up pieces of toilet paper?

The page, which has been posting since April, takes its reviews seriously. Hand-dryers in the country’s best-loved watering holes are reviewed based on 3 metrics:

  1. Air pressure (because there’s nothing worse than an airflow so restricted an asthmatic breathing on you would do a better job)
  2. Air temperature (too cold and it takes too long – too hot and you’ll need to wash your clammy hands again)
  3. Aesthetics (mostly set by the standard of the Dyson V Blade because, after all, it is the king of the hand-dryers)

An overall score is then given along with a vivid description of the hand-drying experience which, in all honesty, sets the bar high for any Irish review page, period.

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Location: The Back Page, Dublin Air Pressure: 7.8/10 Air Temperature: 6.5/10 Aesthetics: 2.1/10 Overall: 6.8/10 Sticker books. The idea of deliberately buying a book with blank squares needing to be filled gave me anxiety. The thoughts that the only way to fill these voids in the book would be to purchase a pack of stickers with no guarantee of what ones were inside seemed to be a punishment rather than a pleasure. That was until the 6th of April 2003 at 09:41. Walking down a desolate street I saw one of these stickers on the ground. As I picked it up there was no doubt in my mind the sticker had a picture of a sportsman on the front. A smile that suggested he knew and hair like yellow frayed finger nails looked back at me and I began to feel remorse. The sportsman was out of place on the street and the sticker needed to be placed into a book's empty void, a form of belonging we all need. Not knowing which book the sticker belonged to I was never able to find it's resting place and it's something I still think about to this day. Although it pains me to say it but not finding the book for that sticker taught me why these people buy them. They need to fill voids in order to get a sense of completion and buying a random set of stickers can fill those voids. There may be duplicates and they may have to barter with other people but that sense of completion is within their grasp. That's what I found myself thinking when I looked at the appearance of this GSQ250 Hand dryer. What was once a beautiful model was now desecrated by people whose very idea of a sticker was chaos rather than belonging. Promotion instead of completion. Did these stickers ever belong to books? On appearance alone I think it was worthy of #PrayingForADyson but standing there with both hands wet I had to continue. Surprisingly the GSQ250 boasted a rather impressive 2500 watts and I could immediately see the benefits of this on my hands. Blasts of thick warm air buttered my hands dry as I began to smile and within seconds it was done. Hands dry and void temporarily filled I left the bathroom. @the_back_page @dyson #dublin #ireland #irish #handdryer #dyson

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Nothing dampens the experience of having a few pints with the lads than a poxy hand-dryer. You’re there to sink pints, not soggy your spanking new jeans with the uncomfortable front-wipe solution when all else fails. Not to mention that the faster the hand-dryer, the better things are for the environment.

After all, the options in our fair cities are getting fewer and fewer thanks to the closure of venues like the Bernard Shaw. The least we can ask is that our hand-drying needs are met.

Keep up to date with all your drying needs by following Irish Hand Dryer Reviews here.