Ok. Got the image of Coppola’s Dracula in your head? Good, ok, well now erase it because this film is so far removed from the beauty of the Gothic tradition that it is actually on the cusp of being downright insulting.

If you go to this movie knowing anything about what a Gothic horror is meant to be, you are going to be sorely disappointed by this overacted, tedious attempt at gore and lore. Oh, and if you are going because of Emily Blunt, just stick to the poster in your room as it is quite apparent that even she is exhausted trying to convince us that the film isn’t anything but a waste of 90 minutes.

Down to facts and figures. The Wolfman is a remake of the 1941 movie under the direction of George Waggner. While not one of the best written horrors to begin with, Waggner made the best of a bad hand and made what was generally approved of as not too bad. The action takes place on the grounds and in the wooded areas surrounding Talbot Manor, but if you think that scary moors and a suspiciously large house are enough to make this a good horror, let the thought perish, quick.

Lawrence Talbot (Benico Del Toro) comes back from being the big man on stage to unearth the secrets behind his brother’s mysterious disappearance. Enter the devastated grieving fiancée, Emily Blunt (who is pretty quick to notice the brother number two is not too hard on the eyes) and his eccentric father, Anthony Hopkins, who is clearly hiding something from his well intentioned son.

That’s your plot, your hints and your spoilers all in one. Oh, and did I mention there are scary moors and wolf howls for a painful half hour before the film finally takes off?

I am trying really hard to think of good things to say about this film but am drawing a complete blank, other than the fact that there is a pretty scary scene in a mental asylum, involving ice and a strait jacket. The acting is lazy, the script is boring and the whole experience is predictable to the point of rolling eyes. It goes from no action to forty rolling heads and although I did cover my eyes a few times, it was one of the weakest horrors I have ever seen.

It doesn’t do what it is meant to; rather than being a gothic creeper fest, it is really just a load of rolling heads. Did I mention the rolling heads?

On the bright side, not everyone is going to this movie expecting it to be a Gothic masterpiece. If you are looking for something to cuddle up with the girlfriend to or to satisfy your appetite for blood and guts, The Wolfman is your cup of tea.But don’t expect to remember it in three months time, because it’s an unlikely prospect. I’m giving it a generous one star, sorry Universal!

Jennifer Bannon