William Shatner - Seeking Major Tom

In a nutshell: William Shatner... For the purpose of this article, he will henceforth be called Will Shattz... Now, you may be thinking, “Isn’t he an old man? Far too old to sing?” Well, ladies and gentlemen you would be most correct in your cruel assumptions about the 80-year-old. This album might not be blasted out in the Dandelion on Rehab Mondays nor will you see him cavorting on stage at Oxegen with scantily clad dancers... Well... *thinks hard*... No, surely not... Well... I suppose they gave Amanda Brunker a chance... So he might be on the main stage, you never know!

It's hard to be critical of someone who is making a last ditch attempt to make a slightly decent record. While he pursues such efforts, he squeezes the very life out of some of the biggest classics and, at the same time, creates a little ripple of hope for a world so full of doom and gloom. If you are looking for laughs then let me introduce you to a whole barrel.

What is it like: Have you ever swallowed pebbles? Gargled gravel? Washed it down with some cement? No? Then fear no more! Shattz has done it all for you!

His gravelly voice adds a certain eloquence to Queen, Black Sabbath and Deep Purple to name but a few. Indeed, throughout the inconsistent album with its unique(?) ups and downs there are certain covers that would even make Katie Price cringe, Shattz makes even your most treasured songs a tear wrenching, heart breaking, ear-drum piercing experience. The fact that some songs are such poor impressions of the original provides an unsurprising result; you are asleep halfway through songs like Iron Man. So no more need for Grandma and Grandpa to top up on Panadol Night, just buy them some serious Shattz.

When he doesn’t sound like a bad impression of one of the Muppets, Shattz thoroughly impressed me. If you can shake off the continuous feeling of downing some heavy medication through the monotonous covers and hit fast-forward you might actually find a track you can tap your feet to. 

Best Track: Space Oddity has a nice country undertone to it and is quite an enjoyable track. The brilliance of this song is that it is spoken in a manner that creates an epic sense of drama and presents a story of its own. The steady pace of his voice accompanied by a mellow guitar allows it to fade in and out of your mind even after one listen.

While he may be an oddity himself, Shattz does have his sparkling gems and the songs that he makes his own rather than making meagre imitations are certainly something to be enjoyed. Mrs Major Tom is also a serious winner, partially due to the sheer absence of Shattz.

Worst Track: Iron Man and Bohemian Rhapsody certainly fulfil the belief that Shattz is off his rock(et). No more puns, I swear. Iron Man is not only a screechy rendition but so repetitive that you will be struggling to keep your eyes open while you make a final attempt to wrench your headphones out. Click here to see proof that Shattz is willing to pop an artery just to prove his mettle (last one I promise.) Yet all the determination in the world just can’t make crap work. 

Bohemian Rhapsody is a musical crap on Mercury’s grave and an unnecessary addition to an already precariously unbalanced album. Shatner’s mock crying makes the insincerity seep through the headphones and make you want to switch from your Star Trek box set to Star Wars. Yep, it’s that bad.

Verdict: If the album had been condensed down to maybe eight tracks, it could have been half or maybe a third decent. Unfortunately, Shattz making a move to the rock genre continuously dilutes the fun factor. Worryingly, it is said it will not be his last album. If he could have just avoided sucking the very life out of some classics this album could have been a success. But when Shattz is on a rampage of murdering masterpieces more brutally than Jack the Ripper it’s hard not to hope he pops an artery or vein or haemorrhages a vocal cord at the least.

5/10

Elaine McDonald