Mar 21 – Apr 19
It’s difficult to confirm what is in the stars for you this week as Aries is still sitting on a bar stool and doesn’t realise the weekend is over
Apr 20 – May 20
Get your notebook ready for a very long to do list, because Fate will bring you a lot to do this week. And Fate has no time for 3 day hangovers.
Apr 21 – Jun 20
Bad news may hit you like a hammer on the head this week. Or the bad news may actually be a hammer hitting you on the head. Time will tell.
Jun 21 – Jul 22
Jul 23 – Aug 22
Oh, wow Leo, next week is going to be something else for you! Really. It’s just an awful pity we can’t see what “something else” means in this case.
Aug 23 – Sep 22
The stars predict that food will materialize in your fridge, if you open the door ten times really quickly without blinking.
Sep 23 – Aug 22
Before you head out the door this week, Libra, make sure to take your retainers out.
Aug 23 – Nov 21
Sometimes you should just sit back and laugh at the hilarity of life. But right now you need to realise people falling over and breaking bones isn’t actually funny.
Nov 22 – Dec 21
We’ve all heard that God and the stars wont give you more than you can handle. But they’ve never drank 2 bottles of buckfast, have they?
Dec 22- Jan 19
Nobody expects you to be a complete genius, Capricorn. But you probably should know by now that it’s time to change the bed sheets.
Jan 20 – Feb 18
It’s in your nature to believe that everything happens for a reason, Aquarious. So there’s probably a reason that you didn’t pull at the weekend.
Feb 19 – Mar 20
We can’t say why people are “sick of your act”. The accents are spot on, and the costume changes are breath taking. Keep doing your thing, Pisces.