Logo
 Linking to Smedias 2012
 
 Linking to Free Stuff
 
 Linking to The Spanner Homepage
 
 Linking to Entertainment
 
Vatican issues official ‘meh whatever’ response to clerical abuse

The Catholic Church has issued its long awaited official response to the Ryan and Murphy reports into child clerical abuse in Ireland.

Standing on the solid gold steps of the Pope’s summer palace in the Phoenix Park papal nuncio Fondleo Del Bambinos solemnly shrugged his shoulders and in a thick New Jersey accent said “What ya gonna do ya mooks? Fuggedaboutit.”

When questioned by journalists about the seemingly unapologetic attitude of Irish bishops who have been named and shamed for helping to cover up abuse Del Bambinos was similarly unrepentant.
“Listen buddy we are the self appointed representatives of God on earth and we have more money than the love child of Bill Gates and The Queen of England ” he said.

“What exactly makes you think we don’t have the right to fiddle children? If I wanted to I could have you all burned as witches right now. Everyone knows the main cause of paedophilia is sexy kids anyway.”

Pope Benedict former Hitler Youth member and the song writing genius behind 90’s one hit wonder Whigfield (Saturday Night) is believed to suspect a giant conspiracy by the Jews in which children abuse themselves and then wrongly accuse priests to earn lucrative newspaper deals.

When pressed for a state response on the issue Minister for Church State relations Jenni Flecked said that the government were “doing all we can but ultimately De Valera established us a Catholic dictatorship and therefore they can do what they like.

"Everyone knows that the only reason we pretend to have laws at all is to keep the E.U. happy while they’re signing the cheques. You don’t want a situation where protestant lesbians can have abortions for breakfast do you?”

Flecked added that there are no plans to establish state / church separation in the area of education saying “despite one or two minor hiccups giving the clergy control of schools and easy access to children seems to have worked well. For them anyway.”
 

In completely unrelated news:
Spanner Top 10 - Reality TV Tools
Roger Federer in hiding as 'Curse of Gillette' strikes Tiger Woods
Spanner TV - Ultimate mascot dance

Bookmark and Share

 

Win an iPad, iPhone or free Pizza!

The generous people at Apache Pizza are giving away 5 ipads, 10 iPhones and 500 large pizzas. All you have to do is complete a 1 minute survey on... Pizza!

 Linking to http://www.apache.ie/onlinesurvey

Spanner Pics

Enda and Sarko remember the good oul days

 Linking to Spanner Pics - Enda and Sarko

Joke of the Day

John Terry won't be facing trial for racial abuse until after Euro 2012. So he's free to lead his country into Poland. Just like his hero did.
(Manic1)

Spanner TV

Don't feed the Elephants

 Linking to Spanner TV - Don't Feed the Elephants
 

Irishman makes "billion-euro home" of shredded notes

(Reuters) - An unemployed Irish artist has built a home from the shredded remains of 1.4 billion euros ($1.82 billion), a monument to the "madness" he says has been wrought on Ireland by the single currency, from a spectacular construction boom to a wrenching bust.

Frank Buckley built the apartment in the lobby of a Dublin office building that has lain vacant since its completion four years ago at the peak of an ill-fated construction boom, using bricks of shredded euro notes he borrowed from Ireland's national mint.

"It's a reflection of the whole madness that gripped us," Buckley said of what he calls his "billion-euro home."

"People were pouring billions into buildings now worth nothing," he said. "I wanted to create something from nothing."

A wave of cheap credit flowed into Ireland in the early 2000s after Ireland joined the currency zone fuelling a huge property bubble that transformed the country.

The bubble's collapse since 2007 plunged Ireland into the deepest recession in the industrialized world, forcing the former "Celtic Tiger" to accept a humiliating bailout from the EU and the IMF.

Buckley was given a 100 percent mortgage at the peak of the boom to buy a 365,000 euro home on the far reaches of Dublin's commuter belt, despite the fact he had no steady income.

He has separated from his wife who lives in the home, which has since lost at least one-third of its value.

Living in his "billion euro home" since the start of December, Buckley is working on adding a kitchen to the living room and hall.

The walls and floor are covered in euro shreddings and the house is so warm Buckley sleeps without a blanket.

Pictures made from notes and coins decorate the walls, including one of a house, made from Irish 5 pence pieces.

"There are houses in Ireland worth less than that," Buckley quips.

Buckley said he wants Europe's politicians to solve the eurozone debt crisis without destroying its currency. But if the currency ultimately fails, he will happily use the euro zone's defunct notes as fodder for future projects.

"Whatever you say about the euro, it's a great insulator."