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The Spanner's 2010 predictions (2)

Entertainment

Celebrity Big Brother becomes the most watched programme on the planet after the increasingly pointless show’s producers decide to boost flagging ratings by arming the contestants. Former Irish footballer Roy Keane (who joins the show after being fired by Ipswich) will be crowned celebrity battle royale King, winning the final by slitting the throats of Jedward with a sharpened hurley.

Transformers 3: Megan Fox in a Bikini is released and breaks box office records despite puzzling fans. “I didn’t like it at first,” American high school student Joey Wienerziehen will say. “There weren’t actually any transformers in the movie at all. But then Megan Fox stripped down to her bikini and jumped up and down for an hour and a half. Dude, it was like the most awesomest awesomeness ever.”

Celebrities most likely to be arrested for being drunk / mental / drugged / all of the above: Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, the choirboy who won the X-Factor

Sport

In soccer, Liverpool will march on to UEFA cup glory, defeating some rubbish German team on penalties after a thrilling 0-0 final. “I’m delighted,” manager Rafael Benitez will say. “The players played with great quality and we won this magnificient trophy. It was my plan all along, the Champions League isn’t cool, it’s like the nightclub full of vulgar celebrities. The UEFA cup is the cool indie club. You can’t afford to sack me anyway maricone!”

Kilkenny will win a historic hurling 5-in-a-row after all other teams decide not to bother even trying to play them, despite manager Brian Cody offering any opposition with the balls a 10 point head start. Marty Morrissey will be disembowelled live on television at Croke park as part of the victory celebrations. The Dubs will win feck all. AGAIN.

Cricket will continue to take too long, golf will remain the most boring sport in the world to watch and some rich twats will continue to own formula 1 teams and ride hookers dressed as Nazis. Probably.

Sports men most likely to carry an entire team on their back: Fernando Torres, Brian O’Driscoll, Joe Canning

 

Most unlikely headlines of the year

Liverpool qualify for Champions League
Bankers punished
Brendan O’Connor reveals charming modest side
Skangers discuss differences calmly
Spanner publishes tasteful, witty article

In completely unrelated news:
Irish airport scanners set to detect shopping from New York rather than explosives
Google phone to hide message inbox among hundreds of irrelevant folders
Spanner TV - Late for work

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Spanner Pics

Enda and Sarko remember the good oul days

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Joke of the Day

John Terry won't be facing trial for racial abuse until after Euro 2012. So he's free to lead his country into Poland. Just like his hero did.
(Manic1)

Spanner TV

Don't feed the Elephants

 Linking to Spanner TV - Don't Feed the Elephants
 

Irishman makes "billion-euro home" of shredded notes

(Reuters) - An unemployed Irish artist has built a home from the shredded remains of 1.4 billion euros ($1.82 billion), a monument to the "madness" he says has been wrought on Ireland by the single currency, from a spectacular construction boom to a wrenching bust.

Frank Buckley built the apartment in the lobby of a Dublin office building that has lain vacant since its completion four years ago at the peak of an ill-fated construction boom, using bricks of shredded euro notes he borrowed from Ireland's national mint.

"It's a reflection of the whole madness that gripped us," Buckley said of what he calls his "billion-euro home."

"People were pouring billions into buildings now worth nothing," he said. "I wanted to create something from nothing."

A wave of cheap credit flowed into Ireland in the early 2000s after Ireland joined the currency zone fuelling a huge property bubble that transformed the country.

The bubble's collapse since 2007 plunged Ireland into the deepest recession in the industrialized world, forcing the former "Celtic Tiger" to accept a humiliating bailout from the EU and the IMF.

Buckley was given a 100 percent mortgage at the peak of the boom to buy a 365,000 euro home on the far reaches of Dublin's commuter belt, despite the fact he had no steady income.

He has separated from his wife who lives in the home, which has since lost at least one-third of its value.

Living in his "billion euro home" since the start of December, Buckley is working on adding a kitchen to the living room and hall.

The walls and floor are covered in euro shreddings and the house is so warm Buckley sleeps without a blanket.

Pictures made from notes and coins decorate the walls, including one of a house, made from Irish 5 pence pieces.

"There are houses in Ireland worth less than that," Buckley quips.

Buckley said he wants Europe's politicians to solve the eurozone debt crisis without destroying its currency. But if the currency ultimately fails, he will happily use the euro zone's defunct notes as fodder for future projects.

"Whatever you say about the euro, it's a great insulator."