Every morning at Spanner Towers we have a live animal sacrifice with our tea and toast. So we decided to put those entrails to good use and do a little forecasting for the year ahead. It's our 2010 predictions...

Politics

At home, those cheeky oul soldiers of destitution Fianna Failure will win a snap election caused by John Gormless' attempt to make organic tofu the staple food of Ireland. Despite unemployment of 124% (most of our emigrants are now on the dole abroad) and 13 years of disastrous rule, Biffo’s boys triumph after promising every citizen a pint and a bag of smokey bacon taytos upon re-election. Fine Gael oust leader Anden Kenny, blaming his decision to turn up for a key television debate in a cocktail dress as a major factor in the electoral defeat.

Citing threats of ‘Terror and uh shit...’ the world’s noble defender of freedom, the USA, will invade another middle-eastern country. Or at least one full of muslims. Just as long as it starts with I, ends in N and has RA in the middle. Iran is a good bet, not only because they’re mental but also as they are clearly harbouring IRA terrorists in the name of their country itself. As if we wouldn’t notice.

Pointless conflicts that will continue: Arabs vs Jews, Northern Taigs vs Northern Prods, Right wing Americans vs Rational thought

Technology

On November 1, facebook will become self aware. It will target its enemies, mankind, with a devastating barrage of fake nasty comments between friends. While the entire human race is busy squabbaling and posting embarrassing revenge videos online, facebook will quickly take over the world, ruling us through proxies trained on Mafia Wars and striking down troublemakers and resisters with devastating superpokes. The lucky ones will be dispatched to feed the slave population from the Farmville fields. The rest will be deactivated. Permanently.

Shit you will want to buy but won't because you're on the dole: fancy iphone / google phone, real life friends, robot slave / girlfriend.

Click here to read the 2010 predictions for Sport and Entertainment