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Cork City join tasty combination of leek and potatoes in liquidation

High court Judge Audrey Baxter ruled that Cork City FC should be wound up this week, after the club's failed to meet deadlines to repay creditors.

In an unexpected move however, she ordered that club be entered into liquidation along with a tasty combination of vegetables and spices.

"I hereby rule that Cork City FC be liquidised along with potatoes, leek, salt and pepper to create a new 'Cream of incompetent administration' variety for my family's range of soups," said Baxter.

Former Cork owner Tom Coughlan was understandably emotional after the verdict, vowing to track down an unamed individual he claimed had swindled him out of a fortune and condemned the club to the First Division.

"If I catch that langer who sold me those magic beans I'll have his guts for garters," he told the assembled press. "Now while we're here do any of you have Dustin the Turkey's address? I wrote to him about an advance on a record deal I wanted to offer but he never got back to me."


The Anfield crowd were fired up for the big Europa League tie

Liverpool fan fails to convince friends of enthusiasm for Europa League

Irishman and Liverpool fan Brian 'Murph' Murphy has failed in an elaborate propaganda campaign to convince friends and family that he is enjoying the Reds campaign in the second tier European club football competition.

"At first he was giving it all 'it's going to be just like the Houllier glory years of 2001'," said a friend. "He brought a big jug into work and started calling it the milk cup, he even tried to host a house party for the first leg against Unirea whatchamacallem. But nobody came."

"He's tried to make us believe that he's not bothered about Liverpool not qualifying from their Champions League group but we know he's in denial.

"He'd want to be careful though, he nearly got into trouble last week when he mass mailed a 2,000 word defence on the rationale behind buying stikers and playing them as wingers to everyone at the company.

"His workmates have taken to editing the paper before he gets in in the morning and pretending they only print the top 3 these days."

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Miami named most miserable U.S. city

(Reuters) - Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll.

The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list.

"Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years," explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen.

The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income and property taxes, as well as considerations like weather, commute time and political corruption.

Reeling for decades from the decline of the U.S. auto industry, Michigan's troubled duo of Detroit and Flint registered at No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, among the most miserable cities.

"Detroit and Flint are struggling," said Badenhausen. "Violent crime is highest in the country in Detroit; housing prices are down 55 percent. Detroit is closing schools and laying off policemen. In recent years they have been demolishing houses to change their city landscapes"

West Palm Beach, Florida and Sacramento, California rounded out the top five cities.

"We're trying to judge cities where residents have a lot of complaints. It doesn't mean that there aren't terrific things there," he said.

And for the haves Miami's charms remain undiminished.

"The one percent in Miami is doing fantastic. But for the vast majority, who make less than $75,000 (a year), Miami can be a challenging place," he said. "Forty-seven percent of homeowners sit on underwater mortgages. That's tough."