Logo
 Linking to Smedias 2012
 
 Linking to Free Stuff
 
 Linking to The Spanner Homepage
 
 Linking to Entertainment
 
Spanner News Round Up - Home, Entertainment, Sport, International

Musical theatre still sh*t despite success of ‘Glee’

People with taste breathed a sigh of relief yesterday, as a spokesperson from the Department of Cultural Snobbery confirmed that despite the recent success of American television show ‘Glee’, musical theatre remains in their words ‘irredeemably, offensively, shite.’

“Adding a few ‘student stereotype’ laughs to High School Musical and making it a TV show is not sufficient to pardon this genre,” the Dept. Said in a statement. “Oh look, it’s a jock who really wants to sing. Ah ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha. Hmmmm.”

“Musical theatre has a long of list of culture crimes to answer for, including the insertion of unnecessary songs into perfectly good drama, i.e ‘I’m walking over here, I’m picking up my cup, I’m drinking my tea la la la’ and providing career opportunities to various losers who’ve been on Big Brother.”


If you can't read the chart...

Teenage boy in hiding after mishearing radio announcement of ‘banking’ inquiry

Irish teen Micheal Tugger is missing, presumed masturbating furiously after apparently mishearing a report on radio about the proposed banking inquiry.

“He was in the kitchen eating his dinner,” said his mother, Bridie Tugger, while wiping away tears. “Then it came on the radio that were would be an inquiry into the banking scandal and that any bankers they caught would be in big trouble.

“He went white and asked me what I thought would be done to them. I said they’d probably be thrown in jail but if it was up to me I’d cut their balls off. We haven’t seen him since. It’s all my fault, SOB!”

Michael Tugger Senior seemed less upset by his son’s absence, remarking ‘the little wanker will turn up. He always does.’ Anyone who makes contact with Michael is asked to notify the Gardai and provide him with as many tissues as necessary.

 

 


Whaddya mean Meteor is better?!

Vodafone proud to sponsor All-Ireland quarter finalists

Mobile phone company Vodafone have proudly announced a new 6 year sponsorship package with Dublin GAA, which is believed to be worth up to 5 million euro.

‘De Dubs’, known for their delusions of on pitch success, and irritating habit of delaying the start of matches, have a strong record of making the quarter finals and sometimes even semis of the All-Ireland football championship. But not the final. Or actually winning it. Since 1995. Jesus. 15 years. Long time.

‘We’re looking forward to making the journey as far as the quarter finals with The Dubs each summer’ said Vodafone marketing executive Ian Sleeve. ‘It would have been the easy option to go for a team who actually win trophies like Kerry or Kilkenny, but we decided to go for the plucky losers with the huge population base instead. It’s a heart-warming underdog story.’


Okay you can take a picture. But don't show your friends!

Saudi Arabia to rename Womens; Rights as Womens' Wrongs.

The government of Saudi Arabia has announced plans to relabel the Department of Women's Rights, an office/harem off the Department of Justice to the Department of Womens' Wrongs.

This move, which is deemed necessary according to strict Whabbist Islam teachings, is to prevent any misconception in Saudi society that women are not evil creatures.

“Having chosen not to be born as men, and not the same gender of the Prophet Mohammed or the King women have made themselves highly immoral beings” according to Sheik Yer Booty, the Saudi Justice Minister. “This just cannot be tolerated in modern Saudi Arabia.”

The new department will encourage Saudi women to wear the newly developed self lashing burkha, with extra whips. This is available in two unattractive colours, black and black. New “regressive” laws are also promised by S. Yer Booty in the area of honour killings.

For the first time ever a woman will have a choice in how to be killed, the traditional stoning or the newly proposed death by rusty scimitar.

Derwin Brennan

 

In completely unrelated news:
The Spanner's Top 10 - Protest Signs
Child benefit for Gingers to be withdrawn
Spanner TV - Old person street fight

Bookmark and Share

 

Win an iPad, iPhone or free Pizza!

The generous people at Apache Pizza are giving away 5 ipads, 10 iPhones and 500 large pizzas. All you have to do is complete a 1 minute survey on... Pizza!

 Linking to http://www.apache.ie/onlinesurvey

Spanner Pics

Honest movie trailer

 Linking to Spanner Pics - Honest movie trailer

Joke of the Day

What’s got 99 balls and makes women sweat? Bingo
(Ajay H)

Spanner TV

Donkey hits some high notes...

 Linking to Spanner TV - Singing Donkey
 

Miami named most miserable U.S. city

(Reuters) - Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll.

The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list.

"Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years," explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen.

The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income and property taxes, as well as considerations like weather, commute time and political corruption.

Reeling for decades from the decline of the U.S. auto industry, Michigan's troubled duo of Detroit and Flint registered at No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, among the most miserable cities.

"Detroit and Flint are struggling," said Badenhausen. "Violent crime is highest in the country in Detroit; housing prices are down 55 percent. Detroit is closing schools and laying off policemen. In recent years they have been demolishing houses to change their city landscapes"

West Palm Beach, Florida and Sacramento, California rounded out the top five cities.

"We're trying to judge cities where residents have a lot of complaints. It doesn't mean that there aren't terrific things there," he said.

And for the haves Miami's charms remain undiminished.

"The one percent in Miami is doing fantastic. But for the vast majority, who make less than $75,000 (a year), Miami can be a challenging place," he said. "Forty-seven percent of homeowners sit on underwater mortgages. That's tough."