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Spanner Budget exclusive - Porn Tax and Facebook Levy to raise billions
new porn facebook tax to hit irish web surfers

The Spanner can exclusively reveal the key plank of the Government’s new economic strategy – punitive taxes on internet users who use pornography and social networking websites.

Under a carefully hidden provision in this year’s budget, web surfers who use sites to watch free streamed pornographic videos would automatically be sent an annual tax bill, charging them 50c per visit to an adult site.

“It’s genius really,” said Minister for Helplessness in the Face of Financial Ruin, Brian Lendusahand. “We’ve got so many unemployed young men sitting around all day pulling the balls of themselves to youporn and the like.

“We thought ‘how can we make this orgy of masturbation work more proactively going forward for the economy?’ Tax it of course!”

Lendusahand was quick to deny accusations that social conservatism was behind the government’s new tax. “It’s not about punishing self-pleasurers at all,” he said. “In fact, if anything, we want people to do it more often so we can increase revenue. We’ll wank ourselves out of this recession yet!

The Fianna Failure / Former Hippy coalition is also introducing a social networking levy, which will force Facebook and Bebo users (if there are still any) to pay a flat fee of 5c per interaction, whether it’s poking, commenting on a photo or even just stalking that hottie who used to be in your class.

Irritating users who post constant updates of their progress in games like Farmville and Mafia Wars will also face possible jail sentences or finger amputation.

A spokesperson for the Narcissists Federation of Ireland said that the levy would ‘discriminate against people who don’t have much of a real life but have to constantly be on Facebook to convince themselves how popular and brilliant they really are.”

Minister Lendusahand rejected the claims, stating “If nothing else, it should ensure that the people who spend the whole day on Facebook when they should be working will actually contribute something to the economy. Is nobody on myspace anymore at all then? No? Fine, be like that so. Ye’re just jealous because I’m in a band.”


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John Terry won't be facing trial for racial abuse until after Euro 2012. So he's free to lead his country into Poland. Just like his hero did.
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Irishman makes "billion-euro home" of shredded notes

(Reuters) - An unemployed Irish artist has built a home from the shredded remains of 1.4 billion euros ($1.82 billion), a monument to the "madness" he says has been wrought on Ireland by the single currency, from a spectacular construction boom to a wrenching bust.

Frank Buckley built the apartment in the lobby of a Dublin office building that has lain vacant since its completion four years ago at the peak of an ill-fated construction boom, using bricks of shredded euro notes he borrowed from Ireland's national mint.

"It's a reflection of the whole madness that gripped us," Buckley said of what he calls his "billion-euro home."

"People were pouring billions into buildings now worth nothing," he said. "I wanted to create something from nothing."

A wave of cheap credit flowed into Ireland in the early 2000s after Ireland joined the currency zone fuelling a huge property bubble that transformed the country.

The bubble's collapse since 2007 plunged Ireland into the deepest recession in the industrialized world, forcing the former "Celtic Tiger" to accept a humiliating bailout from the EU and the IMF.

Buckley was given a 100 percent mortgage at the peak of the boom to buy a 365,000 euro home on the far reaches of Dublin's commuter belt, despite the fact he had no steady income.

He has separated from his wife who lives in the home, which has since lost at least one-third of its value.

Living in his "billion euro home" since the start of December, Buckley is working on adding a kitchen to the living room and hall.

The walls and floor are covered in euro shreddings and the house is so warm Buckley sleeps without a blanket.

Pictures made from notes and coins decorate the walls, including one of a house, made from Irish 5 pence pieces.

"There are houses in Ireland worth less than that," Buckley quips.

Buckley said he wants Europe's politicians to solve the eurozone debt crisis without destroying its currency. But if the currency ultimately fails, he will happily use the euro zone's defunct notes as fodder for future projects.

"Whatever you say about the euro, it's a great insulator."