Snowflakes - Every one is unique. Not always in a good way

Ireland’s complete inability to cope with anything slightly out of the ordinary has been under the spotlight yet again, with the recent weather bringing what can only be described as “relatively manageable levels of snow”.

Moaners and whingers were secretly delighted to see a few inches of snow provide them with some fresh material for bringing others down with them through even the quickest conversation.

We spoke to one particularly disgruntled-looking girl who told us she “hates this weather” and that “it’s a disgrace”. We let the obviously foolish girl continue because she was fairly decent looking and had a bit of cleavage on show.

“It’s so annoying, like. I blame the government. You’d think after all this economy stuff they could at least make sure it didn’t snow. If I was bothered voting I’d vote against whoever is in charge now.

"My Uggs are soaking. And I just shaved and tanned my legs. How can I show them off when it’s this cold? Ugh, now I know why everyone wants to leave the country. Life’s too short. I’m going to Marbella.”

Lovers of puns are revelling in the conditions telling us “they’re dangerous conditions out there, snow joke you know” and that “the government should have put more thawed into their planning for these situations”.

However, it is thought that these very people also breathe solely through their mouths and lick windows.

Fears are growing about the eventual melting of the snow, when we’re left with that slushy rubbish. “We’re not even sure what stuff is called, to be honest” said a MET Eireann spokesman. “It’s not snow, it’s not even ice. It’s like a slush puppy, except not delicious”.

It is thought that kettles will be under a lot of stress over the coming weeks with cups of tea and hot chocolate becoming round-the-clock necessities.

Mark Walsh 

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