After years of denial, Jamaican rapper, Shaggy, has finally admitted that it was indeed him.

In a long-running court case, the boombastic singer had remained adamant that it was not him that was caught having sex with the girl next door.

He initially responded to the claims with a characteristically raised eyebrow and coolly repeated that it wasn't him.

However, in light of new evidence, Shaggy decided it was time to come clean and confessed the truth.

It is thought that the accusations perhaps explained the nickname of 'Mr. Lover Lover' by which Shaggy is sometimes known.

In total, there were seven charges against the admittedly now over-the-hill musician:

• Being caught red handed creepin’ with the girl next door
• Being butt naked banging on the bathroom floor
• Being caught on the counter
• Banging on the sofa
• Even having her in the shower
• Being caught on camera
• Having marks on his shoulder

It was in light of the video evidence that Shaggy’s cool exterior was finally broken. The words Shaggy told her were clearly audible on the tape, as were the ever-loudening screams. Reporters remarked that such a courtroom breakdown has not been witnessed since Kel dropped the screw in the tuna. 

Shaggy has since been ordered to begin using his real name, ‘Orville Richard Burrell’, and to speak slower and more clearly in the verses of any songs.

Meanwhile, Shaggy’s mother has commented that the whole incident has “made a holy show of the Burrells” and that she wishes her son “would get a haircut and a real job for once”.

In related news, the trial of rapper Nelly continues next week. The star is charged with public nudity, maintaining his defence that “it was getting really hot in there”.

Mark Walsh
www.walsho.net