Irish no-frills airline, Ryanair, is today considering a new business strategy which would involve charging passengers for breathing company owned air. The decision came after a board meeting decided oxygen was simply an unnecessary extra, along with comfort, a pleasant atmosphere and flights which landed in inhabited areas.

Shares in Ryanair have been falling in recent months and the financial division has been actively seeking ways by which to increase profits for the airline, such as an extra row of seats on either wing. The new system is already being tested on several routes between Ireland and the continent. Customers will face a flat rate depending on the length of the flight, with an extra €2 for every additional cubic cm of air consumed.

When contacted for comment, Michael O’Leary explained the situation while dancing around in a boubou promoting Ryanair’s new service to Timbuktu. "Fuel prices remain stubbornly high,” the airline chief executive said. “How else am I supposed to continue filling up the tank of a Mercedes S500? My prices go up, so your prices go up. It’s only fair”.

The airline are confident that this is a large step forward in solving any financial woes. Chief Financial Officer Howard Millar said that access to oxygen was a popular choice amongst the vast majority of Ryanair passengers, especially with those on longer routes.

A spokesperson for the company has said that this new measure will not effect all passengers, as those who wish to bring their own bottled air will only be charged an extra €5. Those who attempt to hold their breath for the duration of the flight can avoid the new tariffs but may incur a burial-at-sea charge.

Conor Forrest