Head shop owners are celebrating this week, after an RTE campaign to promote mass fear and hysteria among the Irish public instead resulted in a 500% increase in sales.

The shops, who sell legal psychoactive substances rather than human heads, might have been expected to suffer a drop in business following the media onslaught, but on the contrary the grateful, intoxicant loving Irish public have flocked to their doors.

“I was a bit worried that all the scaremongering would hit business,” said Richard Head, owner of ‘LikeRealDrugsonlylegalhaha!’ the first such store opened in Ireland. “But thankfully it just ended up making lots of people more curious. Happy days.”

Mr. Head was adamant that although none of his wares had been tested for human consumption, they were all completely not yet illegal, and that his top selling product ‘Off your face magical cocainey XTC powder’ was actually intended as a fancy dress accessory, for when you wanted to dress up as mime artist nudge nudge, wink wink.

“As for all of these pipes and pictures of giant marijuana leaves and whatnot, they’re just eh tribal ornaments. I used to be a hippy until I discovered how much money could be made selling shake and vac to scumbags.”

Someone from the national broadcaster is clearly miffed at being sold some bad gear however, as a Prime Time special on Tuesday night followed a week of outraged reports on respected programmes such as the Six-One news and uh... Liveline.

Prime Time repeatedly referenced Magic Mushrooms, which grow wild and haven’t been sold in head shops since 2006, totally ignored the question of why people seem to need highs at all and conveniently forgot to mention the drug which causes the most damage to Irish people, everyone’s favourite - legal, extortionately taxed alkeyhol.

They also selectively focused on the coke / ecstasy supplements sold, ignoring the fact that most head shop customers are looking for a mildly mind altering herb they can shmoke in between rounds of potato waffle sandwiches and games of Xbox online. Journalism at its best.

One drug dealer The Spanner spoke to was unconcerned at the long term risk to his own not quite legal ‘bizness’. “Dem yokes in the bleedin head shops are shigh bud,”said Anthony ‘Anto’ Antoson. “If they were any good sure no one would be buying aneetin off of us would dey?

“As long as they keep the good stuff illegal, we’ll keep getting rich and buying AKs, yeow!”

Don’t miss RTE’s follow up special this weekend – ‘Nature’s evil plan – evolving all these plants that make our brains go funny.’