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Roy Keane launches verbal assualt on Roy Keane
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Ipswich Town manager and former Republic of Ireland great Roy Keane has stunned the football world by launching a withering attack on himself, Ipswich Town manager and former Republic of Ireland great Roy Keane.

The Cork man, who won 7 Premier League titles with Manchester United, raised eyebrows earlier in the week, when his comments in the wake of Ireland’s controversial World Cup exit to France were interpreted by many as “bitter as a bag of lemons”.

But the straight talking manager has surprised everyone with the latest object of his ridicule, himself.

“Roy Keane is bang out of order,” said Roy Keane, in a stormy press conference earlier today. “Roy Keane might have had a point about Ireland’s defence not reacting but to then bring it back to 2002 and Saipan all over again was pathetic really.

“I mean, what was he thinking, move on Roy, get over it. Concentrate on the fact that you are hanging on by the fingernails as manager of a shit team rather than bitching at the gombeens in the FAI, who for once didn’t make a complete show of themselves and judged the mood of the nation appropriately.”

“Eh and what would you say to Roy Keane, if he was here, eh Roy” asked a nervous sports reporter in attendance.

“I would take him aside and give him a piece of my mind,” said Keane. "And then I would probably to tell him to consult a psychologist for treatment of a dissociative personality disorder. Or maybe just tell him to shut his gob.”

Keane then complicated proceedings by introducing a hand puppet he called Mick, which he later became involved in a physical altercation with and had to be restrained. The press conference was abandoned.

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Miami named most miserable U.S. city

(Reuters) - Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll.

The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list.

"Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years," explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen.

The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income and property taxes, as well as considerations like weather, commute time and political corruption.

Reeling for decades from the decline of the U.S. auto industry, Michigan's troubled duo of Detroit and Flint registered at No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, among the most miserable cities.

"Detroit and Flint are struggling," said Badenhausen. "Violent crime is highest in the country in Detroit; housing prices are down 55 percent. Detroit is closing schools and laying off policemen. In recent years they have been demolishing houses to change their city landscapes"

West Palm Beach, Florida and Sacramento, California rounded out the top five cities.

"We're trying to judge cities where residents have a lot of complaints. It doesn't mean that there aren't terrific things there," he said.

And for the haves Miami's charms remain undiminished.

"The one percent in Miami is doing fantastic. But for the vast majority, who make less than $75,000 (a year), Miami can be a challenging place," he said. "Forty-seven percent of homeowners sit on underwater mortgages. That's tough."