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Roy Keane launches verbal assualt on Roy Keane
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Ipswich Town manager and former Republic of Ireland great Roy Keane has stunned the football world by launching a withering attack on himself, Ipswich Town manager and former Republic of Ireland great Roy Keane.

The Cork man, who won 7 Premier League titles with Manchester United, raised eyebrows earlier in the week, when his comments in the wake of Ireland’s controversial World Cup exit to France were interpreted by many as “bitter as a bag of lemons”.

But the straight talking manager has surprised everyone with the latest object of his ridicule, himself.

“Roy Keane is bang out of order,” said Roy Keane, in a stormy press conference earlier today. “Roy Keane might have had a point about Ireland’s defence not reacting but to then bring it back to 2002 and Saipan all over again was pathetic really.

“I mean, what was he thinking, move on Roy, get over it. Concentrate on the fact that you are hanging on by the fingernails as manager of a shit team rather than bitching at the gombeens in the FAI, who for once didn’t make a complete show of themselves and judged the mood of the nation appropriately.”

“Eh and what would you say to Roy Keane, if he was here, eh Roy” asked a nervous sports reporter in attendance.

“I would take him aside and give him a piece of my mind,” said Keane. "And then I would probably to tell him to consult a psychologist for treatment of a dissociative personality disorder. Or maybe just tell him to shut his gob.”

Keane then complicated proceedings by introducing a hand puppet he called Mick, which he later became involved in a physical altercation with and had to be restrained. The press conference was abandoned.

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Rag Weeks

Tis the season to get off your face, uh we mean raise money for good causes. This week students are partying for charity in NUI Galway and DIT.

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