'Anyone got any factor 40 sun cream?'

Ireland’s record international goalscorer, Robbie Keane, is already having second thoughts about his recent transfer to American MLS club, LA Galaxy.

‘The Galaxy’ as they are sometimes known, probably, signed the striker from Tottenham in a deal thought to be worth around three million dollars. Keane was originally delighted with the transfer, declaring that it was a “dream move” and that he had “always wanted to play in America, even when a little boy growing up on the streets of Dublin.”

When asked if he knew what MLS actually stood for, Keane responded angrily that he wanted to concentrate on his football rather than “stupid questions about diseases or something”

However, things have not all gone swimmingly for the former Inter Milan (yeah, seriously, remember that?) star. Reports state that he is struggling to cope with the intense heat out there across the water. We spoke to his absolute ride of a wife to get the full story.

“Yeah, poor Robbie’s burnt to a crisp. Everywhere too. His arms, legs, neck, nose. Even his ears a bit. I’ve tried lashing the aftersun on him but he says it still stings. I told him to put on suncream before he went out but he was never going to listen.”

Keane is also anxiously waiting for a delivery of Tayto crisps and Denny’s rashers, which he says were a vital part of the diet that made him a roaring success during his spell at Liverpool.

Robbie’s new teammate, David Beckham, was unavailable for comment but was almost certainly looking remarkably handsome and dashing as always.

Mark Walsh
www.walsho.net