After ten long years at the top, undisputed world hide-and-seek champion, Osama Bin Laden, finally relinquished his title this weekend after a tense clash in the hills of Abbottabad in North-Western Pakistan. In the end, it was a case of the master defeating the pupil, as it was Bin Laden’s former mentors, the CIA, who ended the champion’s reign at the top after tracking him down to a remote cave that had been cleverly disguised as a luxury villa located in a reasonably built-up area.

Having carefully cultivated an image as the pantomime bad guy of the hide-and-seek world, it was no surprise that news of his defeat went down particularly well back in the United States. Crowds of right wing Tea Party followers could be seen cheering through gritted teeth at ground zero and outside the White House after the news was announced, as they barely concealed their disgust at the realization that it was in fact Osama who had actually been killed and not a well-known politician with a similar first name.

It’s been quite a week for President Barack Obama, who announced news of Bin Laden’s defeat on Sunday evening. The President had been under pressure earlier in the week for having brown skin (though this criticism was carefully disguised as a question mark over his birth certificate). Having largely put to bed the doubts regarding his place of birth by revealing his original birth certificate at an official press conference, Obama went on to make chief agitator Donald Trump his bitch at a correspondent’s dinner in Washington, stopping just short of grabbing Mister Trump in a headlock and bitch slapping him while forcing him to admit to the audience that he’s a bell-end. However, while many right wingers fully admit that Obama played a blinder in completely humiliating Trump and that he deserves credit for his performance, many regard his decision to cut into the last 15 minutes of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ as a petty abuse of power.

Having overseen the end of one of the worst American recessions in recent history and having captured and killed the world’s most wanted terrorist, many on the right are now wondering what the Kenyan-born Communist Muslim will do next. Paddy Power are currently no longer taking bets on President Obama bringing peace to Israel and Palestine, while Ladbrokes have reported strange betting patterns regarding a rumour that Obama plans to walk on water before ascending to heaven in a chariot of fire during his next live press conference.

In other news, on a ranch somewhere in the deep South, an old white man is still not convinced that Barack Obama’s American birth certificate is entirely genuine.

Johnny McGee
Image by Martin Meany