The 2022 FIFA World Cup in Qatar is seven years away, but already it has courted a great deal of controversy. It is widely acknowledged that there are at least 2,022 valid reasons why Qatar should never host international football’s showpiece event. How this extremely wealthy country managed to secure the bid ahead of more logical choices has led to rumours that there may have been a small amount of bribery involved.
To avoid forcing the players to compete in temperatures that could roast a large turkey, the powers at hand have decided that the tournament should take place during the winter, with the final being played on December 18th. FIFA president Sepp Blatter has come out in favour of the scheduling change in an interview this morning. Sporting a new solid gold watch, Mr Blatter has reiterated his belief that Qatar is the best option to host the World Cup despite the upheaval it has caused.
The next proposal of the organisers is slightly more radical. They have suggested that the world should bring forward Christmas Day by one week, to coincide with the World Cup Final. Head of the organising committee is oil tycoon Sheik Yabumbum, who had this to say: “Think about it pal, it’s a no-brainer. The World Cup final on Christmas Day, everyone would be at home anyway. The TV ratings would be world record levels. I will speak to heads of state of every country individually to see if I can convince them to come on board. But rest assured, there will be no bribery involved, you can trust me.”
Taoiseach Enda Kenny has already been approached, and he is in full support of the proposal. I managed to get a quick word with An Taoiseach this morning. Holding a brand new Lucky Bag, Mr Kenny stated that he would be proud to be the country’s leader on an all-new Christmas Day.
This reporter smiled politely. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he had zero chance of still being Taoiseach in 2022.


Ger Lowry