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PDs finally slain: 'In the end, all it took was a simple stake to the heart'
PDVAMPBIG

PDs finally slain: “In the end, all it took was a simple stake to the heart”

Hack Jorgan

And lo, the villagers did gather, unbelieving at first, slowly becoming jubilant. It was clear from the rapidly disintegrating corpse in front of them that the menace which had terrorised them for so long was gone forever…

The Progressive Democrats this week announced their disbandment after 23 years in Irish politics. It is believed that the final decision was taken after they failed to muster sufficient numbers to compete in the bi-annual inter-party 5 a side competition. Although possessing a formidable goalkeeper in Minister for Health Mary Harney, the outfield would have been limited to Noel Grealish TD and Senators Ciarán Cannon and Fiona O’Malley. PD supporters were left wistfully thinking of the halcyon days when the line was led by fleet-footed Dessie O’Malley, whose skilful combination of liberal economic policy and progressive social policies enticed many supporters away from their traditional parties, whose stale tactics had led many to become disillusioned.

It seemed that the PDs offered a new, forward thinking range of solutions to the economic malaise which affected Irish society at the time, and the party were rewarded with 14 seats, a remarkable achievement which allowed them to compete in the full 11 a side competition, usually the sole preserve of Fianna Fail and Fine Gael. However, even the most ardent supporter’s faith was tested by the election, in 2006, of Michael McDowell as party leader. McDowell, whose hobbies include making Airfix models and collecting stamps, was a bitter pill for voters to swallow and the party was duly punished for electing such a totally unlikeable arsehole as leader. It is believed that McDowell’s derisory attitude towards any form of fun may have made him particularly unpalatable to voters, and he suffered the ignominy of losing his seat to famed sissy-boy John Gormley after a particularly uninspiring face-off on the 2006 campaign trail in Ranelagh had many bystanders looking at their hands in embarrassment. In the history of political conflict, it was hardly the LA Riots or the Poll Tax marches. After this, McDowell swiftly threw every single one of his toys out of the pram, retiring from public life and leaving the PDs up shit creek.

 

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Irishman makes "billion-euro home" of shredded notes

(Reuters) - An unemployed Irish artist has built a home from the shredded remains of 1.4 billion euros ($1.82 billion), a monument to the "madness" he says has been wrought on Ireland by the single currency, from a spectacular construction boom to a wrenching bust.

Frank Buckley built the apartment in the lobby of a Dublin office building that has lain vacant since its completion four years ago at the peak of an ill-fated construction boom, using bricks of shredded euro notes he borrowed from Ireland's national mint.

"It's a reflection of the whole madness that gripped us," Buckley said of what he calls his "billion-euro home."

"People were pouring billions into buildings now worth nothing," he said. "I wanted to create something from nothing."

A wave of cheap credit flowed into Ireland in the early 2000s after Ireland joined the currency zone fuelling a huge property bubble that transformed the country.

The bubble's collapse since 2007 plunged Ireland into the deepest recession in the industrialized world, forcing the former "Celtic Tiger" to accept a humiliating bailout from the EU and the IMF.

Buckley was given a 100 percent mortgage at the peak of the boom to buy a 365,000 euro home on the far reaches of Dublin's commuter belt, despite the fact he had no steady income.

He has separated from his wife who lives in the home, which has since lost at least one-third of its value.

Living in his "billion euro home" since the start of December, Buckley is working on adding a kitchen to the living room and hall.

The walls and floor are covered in euro shreddings and the house is so warm Buckley sleeps without a blanket.

Pictures made from notes and coins decorate the walls, including one of a house, made from Irish 5 pence pieces.

"There are houses in Ireland worth less than that," Buckley quips.

Buckley said he wants Europe's politicians to solve the eurozone debt crisis without destroying its currency. But if the currency ultimately fails, he will happily use the euro zone's defunct notes as fodder for future projects.

"Whatever you say about the euro, it's a great insulator."