Harney misdiagnosed with testicular cancer

The Minister for Health Mary Harney last night asserted the importance of ensuring that the misdiagnosis of patients can never happen again, after the Midland Regional Hospital mistakenly diagnosed her with testicular cancer earlier in the week.

Speaking on RTÉ's Prime Time programme last night, The Minister called for re-administration of inspections of all mammography equipment in the hospital, and wants a full report into how she could be misdiagnosed in such an erroneous and embarrassing manner. "We need to know whether it was as a result of human error on a massive scale, or whether it was due to machinery. At the moment my gut instinct is that this is a cruelly timed and grossly insensitive joke, but if the machinery proves to be the root of the cause, action will need to be taken."

The Minister also said that the development of centres of excellence would minimise the capacity of errors in cross-gender diagnoses of this ilk. "A centre of excellence, preferably a private one obviously, will go a long way to ensure men and women at the very least receive appropriate gender contextual diagnoses."

In the Dáil bar, Spanner reporters caught up with a watery eyed Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny, who told us, amidst sporadic fits of chortles, that he thinks "the doctors have actually confirmed a few suspicions around here." Mr. Kenny did, however, extend his deepest sympathies to the Harney family if the diagnosis is confirmed as accurate.

Ms. Harney was unavailable for comment when we called her office, but a source has subsequently informed us that she will presently be admitted to the private facility in Blackrock Clinic, where she will receive a triple-assessment diagnosis procedure, balneotherapy, aromatherapy and un-monitored Wi-Fi broadband access.

Bosco Robinson

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