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Oxygen College Guide - The Basics
BASICS120

Don't sue us if you get thrown out, we were only trying to help.

Lectures
Oxygen cannot stress the importance of attending lectures. They might be boring sometimes, but ignoring them altogether can bring complications. It's generally a good idea to take notes. Often, but not always, the stuff the lecturer writes on the board appears on the end of term tests. Lecturers vary wildly in their appreciation of smart comments. It's not a great idea to make an enemy in the first week of a four year course.

Clubs and Socs
Most colleges and universities come complete with a range of clubs and socs to suit even the most difficult individuals. These are great places to meet future friends and sexual partners so join as many as you can in freshers' week. Most people join about ten. While active membership of a few clubs and societies looks good on any future CV, most freshers join up for the free lollipops and free drink. Also, sports facilities at colleges around the country have improved greatly over the last few years, which is good. (Unless of course you're in Trinity, where there are less on campus sports facilities than in your average mortuary).

Canteen and College Bar
Food and drink on most campuses has come on a lot lately. In place of plastic pasta with red sauce now you will be delighted and/or dismayed at the fancy shmancy brie and sun dried tomato on focaccia sandwiches. Especially as these tend to cost more than a plate of chips. Many college bars have also been refurbished/cleaned, and often surprisingly decent bands will play there. There has been a recent crackdown on lashings of free drink promotions, but it is still possible to enjoy yourself.

Freshers Week
Grab as many of the bags of free stuff as you can. Become an expert at exploring the intricacies of Traffic Light Ball tactics. Make it into class the next morning even if all you are going to remember later is the juiciest gossip from last night. Have a go on the bouncy castle; it's physical contact. Ask the girl wandering around with the spoon in her hand why she is wandering around with a spoon in her hand. Get out there, this is the time when lifelong friendships are made.

Library
The library is where the books are kept. You can take some books out for long loan, other more useful ones are on shorter term loan. If you don't drop them back in time then you get punished. Hiding books so only you can use them is considered bad form. Talking, eating, texting and generally making noise is frowned upon by library staff. This makes flirting difficult, but not impossible. Photocopying does not count as study. Particularly photocopying body parts. 

Common Pitfalls
Plagiarism is frowned upon in most, if not all, universities and colleges in Ireland. Scoring somebody from your class during freshers week may seem like a good idea at the time [3AM in the taxi queue] but may also haunt your future. Constant immersion in daytime talk shows and Newlyweds can result in summer repeats, which means you get to read your friends J1 adventure emails from the PC in the college library. Always ask for ID if approached by wallet or breast inspectors.

Final Advice
Have goals. And score them.

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Spanner Pics

School's back...

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Joke of the Week

Guy  walks into a library and asks for a book on Chilean miners. The Librarian says "Sorry, that won't be out till Christmas." (Meynell94)

Spanner TV

There's no better way to spoil a session of the ancient art of yoga than unexpected flatulence...

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 Overpaid sports stars sicken supporter

(Reuters) A New Jersey man was jailed for up to three months on Friday for making himself vomit on a fellow spectator at a baseball game.

Matthew Clemmens, 21, was sent to prison for at least 30 days, given two years probation, and ordered to serve 50 hours of community service, and pay $315 in restitution after the incident.

"Clemmens pleaded guilty to making himself throw up on a young girl at a Phillies game," the district attorney's office said in a statement.

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The Spanner Online