Logo
 Linking to Smedias 2012
 
 Linking to Free Stuff
 
 Linking to The Spanner Homepage
 
 Linking to Entertainment
 
Office celebrates birthday of Jesus with orgy of drunken groping

Employees of Financial Yields Ireland (FYI) celebrated the birth of Jesus Christ with a 10 hour rampage of drinking, drunken fondling and vomiting this week.

The 35 strong staff of the company paid solemn tribute to their professed lord and saviour by re-enacting the last supper with curry cheese chips and mince pies, the miracle of turning water into wine with vodka jelly shots, and the crown of thorns with novelty reindeer ears.

“Jeez boy the Christmas party was something else this year,” said Mossie Moss, vice president of jargon for the company. “I had a good 13 pints of Guinness into me by 10 o’clock. I was running down Baggot Street in me jocks waving me mickey at anyone who looked at me sideways. Ended up in the cells. Mad craic though.”

Junior senior marketing analyst Lorraine Deer was less enthusiastic about the evening, pausing to throw up into a waste paper bin as she mentally reviewed the romantic consequences of an evening of alcoholic excess.

‘Hmmm yeah it was fun,” she mumbled. “Wish I hadn’t gone home with that sneery dick Martin from accounts though. Now I have to look at him for the rest of the year. Whose idea was it to go to Coppers? My arse will be bruised till Easter.”

Chief Executive Oisin McUisce professed himself pleased with the festive event. “At this special time of year, it’s very important that the staff have a chance to let their hair down and are rewarded for all the hard work they’ve done over the year” he said.

“And even more importantly they get to see how cool, relaxed and up for the craic I am. Just like a real person. Now get back to work and have that report on my lunchtime or you drones can join the rest of the country in the soup queues.”
 

In completely unrelated news:
Mark Hughes sacked for failure to win league and solve Middle East conflict by Xmas
Dail Eireann releases 'uncut' Xmas DVD
Spanner TV - If Christmas songs were honest

 

Bookmark and Share

 

Win an iPad, iPhone or free Pizza!

The generous people at Apache Pizza are giving away 5 ipads, 10 iPhones and 500 large pizzas. All you have to do is complete a 1 minute survey on... Pizza!

 Linking to http://www.apache.ie/onlinesurvey

Spanner Pics

Honest movie trailer

 Linking to Spanner Pics - Honest movie trailer

Joke of the Day

What’s got 99 balls and makes women sweat? Bingo
(Ajay H)

Spanner TV

Donkey hits some high notes...

 Linking to Spanner TV - Singing Donkey
 

Miami named most miserable U.S. city

(Reuters) - Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll.

The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list.

"Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years," explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen.

The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income and property taxes, as well as considerations like weather, commute time and political corruption.

Reeling for decades from the decline of the U.S. auto industry, Michigan's troubled duo of Detroit and Flint registered at No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, among the most miserable cities.

"Detroit and Flint are struggling," said Badenhausen. "Violent crime is highest in the country in Detroit; housing prices are down 55 percent. Detroit is closing schools and laying off policemen. In recent years they have been demolishing houses to change their city landscapes"

West Palm Beach, Florida and Sacramento, California rounded out the top five cities.

"We're trying to judge cities where residents have a lot of complaints. It doesn't mean that there aren't terrific things there," he said.

And for the haves Miami's charms remain undiminished.

"The one percent in Miami is doing fantastic. But for the vast majority, who make less than $75,000 (a year), Miami can be a challenging place," he said. "Forty-seven percent of homeowners sit on underwater mortgages. That's tough."