'Shots after this one, boys!'

President and saviour of the world, Barack Obama, woke up with a sore head on Tuesday morning, after his visit to Ireland reached a conclusion in infamous nightclub Copper Face Jacks.

Obama spent the day visiting Moneygall, the hometown of his great-great-super-hyper-mega-great grandfather. The village has undergone great renovations over the past few weeks in order to make the place look nice and pretty for the President. This included repainting buildings, putting all the dirty socks in the laundry basket, and shoving loads of stuff under the bed.

Obama also expressed delight at tracing his roots when he met the eighth cousin of a man who once saw Obama’s distant relative through the window of a passing car.

Having endured Enda Kenny’s Oscar-winning speech and then delivered his own words of inspiration, Obama noted that the pint of Guinness he had enjoyed down in Moneygall had “put the goo on him” and he needed to get some more of that “sweet black stuff – and I’m not talking about Michelle”.

After a pint in of Guinness in Doyle’s, Obama noted that “this country is a fucking rip-off”, and snuck off to pick up a pack of Tuborg – 6 for 7 euro. Obama sculled his pre-drinks in the Hotel room with Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore, who were both on the tins of Strongbow. The boys continued drinking on the bus into town, where Obama’s entourage joined them with a few “cheeky naggins” and got themselves “pretty fuckin’ buzzing”. The lads decided there was no time for messing around, and it was time to hit Coppers.

Arriving in the Harcourt St club, the lads had “loads of bant” and “drank their weight in Jaegerbombs” before getting on the dance floor.

“The birds were absolutely foaming at the gash for Obama’s moves. He’s a slick dancer. I can see why he got elected”, said one jealous onlooker.

While the rest of the lads hung around looking to get the shift, Obama kindly fucked off to bed with his beautiful wife letting the boys pick up the dregs.

Mark Walsh
www.walsho.net