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Nicolas Anelka gives French FA’s mothers 18 match ban

France and Chelsea striker Nicolas Anelka has responded to disciplinary action taken against him by the French Football Association by taking collective retaliatory action against the board’s mothers.

Anelka earlier released a terse video statement on youtube, in which he communicated entirely by shrugging his shoulders.

Subtitles accompanying the video read: “Ban me for 18 games? Pffft! I don’t want to play for your stupid team anyway.

“How about this, your mommas are all banned for 18 games. You heard me, yo mommas! Bitches.”

French football experts are divided as to the consequences of Anelka’s action, with one commenting that “Once again the incredible sulk has made a tit of himself. He has no power to ban anyone’s mother from attending games. Mon dieu.

Fillipe Fillope, a leading journalist with the Les Tricheurs sports newspaper thought that Anelka’s comments could rankle with some elements of the French FA and even with UEFA President Michel Platini himself.

“The FA are very sensitive about their mammys and would be outraged by these remarks,” said Fillope.

"Although it looks as though his international football career is over, they may try to take further punitive action, such as kidnapping him and forcing him to listen to one of Carla Bruni’s albums.

“Platini in particular is very close to his oul one, she always perms his hair for him and tells him that he looks much nicer than nasty old Sepp Fatter."

Anelka could not be reached for comment, though as Fillope observed, his £80,000 per week wages and status as a Chelsea player “probably make up for being banned from playing for the current laughing stock of international football for free.” 

 

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Miami named most miserable U.S. city

(Reuters) - Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll.

The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list.

"Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years," explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen.

The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income and property taxes, as well as considerations like weather, commute time and political corruption.

Reeling for decades from the decline of the U.S. auto industry, Michigan's troubled duo of Detroit and Flint registered at No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, among the most miserable cities.

"Detroit and Flint are struggling," said Badenhausen. "Violent crime is highest in the country in Detroit; housing prices are down 55 percent. Detroit is closing schools and laying off policemen. In recent years they have been demolishing houses to change their city landscapes"

West Palm Beach, Florida and Sacramento, California rounded out the top five cities.

"We're trying to judge cities where residents have a lot of complaints. It doesn't mean that there aren't terrific things there," he said.

And for the haves Miami's charms remain undiminished.

"The one percent in Miami is doing fantastic. But for the vast majority, who make less than $75,000 (a year), Miami can be a challenging place," he said. "Forty-seven percent of homeowners sit on underwater mortgages. That's tough."