International TV network MTV dropped the ‘Music’ from its Music Television logo this week, to the shock and suprise of absolutely nobody who had encountered its output over the last decade.

MTV, credited with creating the reality tv show format with ‘The Real World’ in 1992, has relegated music to it’s satellite channels in recent years, preferring to concentrate on inflicting such human viruses as The Osbornes, Paris Hilton, My Super Sweet Sixteen, Jessica Simpsons and The Hills on the TV viewing population.

‘I taught MTV meant Mongo Tellyvision to be honest,’ said Mr. Joey Josephs of Dubbelin. “Music’s been shite since Elvis died innanyways. Bring back de King!’

“Oh my gawwwd, now way is that what the Em meant?,” replied one velour- tracksuited peroxide blonde angel we spoke to on Dublin’s Grafters Street. That’s sooooooooo cool. Totally."

"I suppose they don't have much music anymore, but I mean if wasn’t for the likes of The Simple Life and The Hills a generation of young Irish women would have missed out some of the most valuable lessons a girl can learn. Y'know?"

MTV Rules for the modern woman

1. Make yourself look like a clone of your friends and as close to a Barbie doll as possible
2. Bitch about and backstab all of your so-called BFFS while trying to steal their boyfriends
3. It’s far more important how hot you look than how decent a person you are
4. Above all do absolutely nothing remotely useful with yourself, and use someone else’s reflected fame to foster your deluded sense of entitlement.

The channel’s slack jawed drooling viewers will be glad that high standards are being maintained – The Spanner can exclusively reveal the next two show’s off the reality gold mine production line.

Spring season - Yo yo all you Pimps and Hos – Following the glamorous life of a New York ‘playa’ as he sells the bodies of various damaged women to fulfill his own appetite for drugs and extravagantly vulgar jewellery.

Laugh as our hero punches one of his ‘sassy bitches’ in the face, empathise as he is forced to shoot a business associate for an unpaid debt, and feel a warm glow inside as he uses his gritty life struggle as material for a forthcoming rap opus.

Autumn Prime Time- F*ck me famous – follow our group of ambitious young men and women as they aim to climb the ladder of fame and fortune by sleeping their way to the top of their chosen profession. A lack of talent or brains won’t stop them as they know just how much they deserve their rewards. The taste of the boss’ wrinkly genitals will be washed away once they’re sipping cocktails on a yacht in the Caribbean.