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Mark Hughes sacked for failure to win League and solve Middle East conflict before Xmas

The owners of Manchester City FC, the DRAL group (Dem Rich A-rab Lads)have made their first public comments on the controversial sacking of manager of Mark Hughes.

Hughes was replaced by Italian manager Roberto Mancini this week, despite his side winning at the weekend and being on course to meet a pre-season target of a top six finish.

But Chief Executive Gary Cock revealed that performance objectives had recently been revised upwards and that this was why Hughes had got the boot.

“The owners decided that a top six finish wasn’t good enough return for an investment of 200 million pounds,” he said. “With the money we’ve spent, we believe that we should have the League mathematically won by Christmas every year and that’s what we expect Roberto to deliver.

"We also expect a speedy resolution to the Middle East conflict and the establishment of a Palestinian state before next summer's world cup."

“Obviously with his late start to this season, we’re willing to give Roberto some leeway this time. He won’t actually have to have the trophy presented until Easter which we think is quite generous."

Man City player reaction to the change has been mixed with some players issuing a cautious welcome to the new boss, while Craig Bellamy stated ‘Ah shite, I’ll never get a game now. He’s not from Wales is he?”

Others seemed unaffected by the managerial change, with Robinho crying “I don’t care who the manager is, I’ve got to get out of this place. Please Barcelona. Please.”

Teammate Stephen Ireland appeared more preoccupied by the impending arrival of Santa Claus, he bounced up and down while telling the Spanner “I’m getting an England jersey and a diamond studded adidas hoodie and a florouscent yellow jeep and a surprise!”

Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez is also under pressure after a run of terrible results which sees his team out of the champions league and currently 8th in the Premier League. But the be-shmigged Spaniard is resisting calls for him to resign or even to play less shit players.

“The team has quality, I know this.” He said. “Okay maybe only Gerard and Torres. Certainly none of the useless players I’ve bought. But I will do what I want and ju are not the boss of me. If you ask me any more questions I will play Lucas in goal next time and that will show you all.”

In completely unrelated news:
Office celebrates birthday of Jesus with orgy of drunken groping
Dail Eireann releases 'uncut' Xmas DVD
Spanner TV - If Christmas songs were honest

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Enda and Sarko remember the good oul days

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Joke of the Day

John Terry won't be facing trial for racial abuse until after Euro 2012. So he's free to lead his country into Poland. Just like his hero did.
(Manic1)

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Don't feed the Elephants

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Irishman makes "billion-euro home" of shredded notes

(Reuters) - An unemployed Irish artist has built a home from the shredded remains of 1.4 billion euros ($1.82 billion), a monument to the "madness" he says has been wrought on Ireland by the single currency, from a spectacular construction boom to a wrenching bust.

Frank Buckley built the apartment in the lobby of a Dublin office building that has lain vacant since its completion four years ago at the peak of an ill-fated construction boom, using bricks of shredded euro notes he borrowed from Ireland's national mint.

"It's a reflection of the whole madness that gripped us," Buckley said of what he calls his "billion-euro home."

"People were pouring billions into buildings now worth nothing," he said. "I wanted to create something from nothing."

A wave of cheap credit flowed into Ireland in the early 2000s after Ireland joined the currency zone fuelling a huge property bubble that transformed the country.

The bubble's collapse since 2007 plunged Ireland into the deepest recession in the industrialized world, forcing the former "Celtic Tiger" to accept a humiliating bailout from the EU and the IMF.

Buckley was given a 100 percent mortgage at the peak of the boom to buy a 365,000 euro home on the far reaches of Dublin's commuter belt, despite the fact he had no steady income.

He has separated from his wife who lives in the home, which has since lost at least one-third of its value.

Living in his "billion euro home" since the start of December, Buckley is working on adding a kitchen to the living room and hall.

The walls and floor are covered in euro shreddings and the house is so warm Buckley sleeps without a blanket.

Pictures made from notes and coins decorate the walls, including one of a house, made from Irish 5 pence pieces.

"There are houses in Ireland worth less than that," Buckley quips.

Buckley said he wants Europe's politicians to solve the eurozone debt crisis without destroying its currency. But if the currency ultimately fails, he will happily use the euro zone's defunct notes as fodder for future projects.

"Whatever you say about the euro, it's a great insulator."