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Mark Hughes sacked for failure to win League and solve Middle East conflict before Xmas

The owners of Manchester City FC, the DRAL group (Dem Rich A-rab Lads)have made their first public comments on the controversial sacking of manager of Mark Hughes.

Hughes was replaced by Italian manager Roberto Mancini this week, despite his side winning at the weekend and being on course to meet a pre-season target of a top six finish.

But Chief Executive Gary Cock revealed that performance objectives had recently been revised upwards and that this was why Hughes had got the boot.

“The owners decided that a top six finish wasn’t good enough return for an investment of 200 million pounds,” he said. “With the money we’ve spent, we believe that we should have the League mathematically won by Christmas every year and that’s what we expect Roberto to deliver.

"We also expect a speedy resolution to the Middle East conflict and the establishment of a Palestinian state before next summer's world cup."

“Obviously with his late start to this season, we’re willing to give Roberto some leeway this time. He won’t actually have to have the trophy presented until Easter which we think is quite generous."

Man City player reaction to the change has been mixed with some players issuing a cautious welcome to the new boss, while Craig Bellamy stated ‘Ah shite, I’ll never get a game now. He’s not from Wales is he?”

Others seemed unaffected by the managerial change, with Robinho crying “I don’t care who the manager is, I’ve got to get out of this place. Please Barcelona. Please.”

Teammate Stephen Ireland appeared more preoccupied by the impending arrival of Santa Claus, he bounced up and down while telling the Spanner “I’m getting an England jersey and a diamond studded adidas hoodie and a florouscent yellow jeep and a surprise!”

Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez is also under pressure after a run of terrible results which sees his team out of the champions league and currently 8th in the Premier League. But the be-shmigged Spaniard is resisting calls for him to resign or even to play less shit players.

“The team has quality, I know this.” He said. “Okay maybe only Gerard and Torres. Certainly none of the useless players I’ve bought. But I will do what I want and ju are not the boss of me. If you ask me any more questions I will play Lucas in goal next time and that will show you all.”

In completely unrelated news:
Office celebrates birthday of Jesus with orgy of drunken groping
Dail Eireann releases 'uncut' Xmas DVD
Spanner TV - If Christmas songs were honest

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Rag Weeks

Tis the season to get off your face, uh we mean raise money for good causes. This week students are partying for charity in NUI Galway and DIT.

For all the latest news and lineups for these and other Rag Weeks around the country click here

We've also got lots of Xposed pics of all the action from Carlow, DCU, UCD and Tallaght IT. Click here to see them now!

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