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Man 'instantly regrets' wearing fancy dress to office

Vait till de guys get a loada dis!

A civil servant who turned up to work in Halloween fancy dress as Dracula has admitted he ''will never live it down''.

''I've been flirting with Jane from payroll for three years now - the aul glances across the office, you know yourself (winks) - and I decided that a risqué Hallowe’en costume was the perfect chance to ask her out.

"She's always saying how she loves danger and I wanted her to see that I can live on the edge sometimes. Carpe diem and all that eh?

"The plan was to stay in character throughout the day and have everyone cracking up, so that by our lunchtime fag she'd be putty in my hands.

"I could see it all, the glory of it. But it wasn't just about getting my hole, no no; Mr. Seoul-Kruscher loves my impressions and who knows, promotion could even have been possible.

"I entered the meeting room with bombastic elegance, declaring ''I, Vant, To Suck, your blaad!'' – in perfectly delivered Transylvanian accent, I should add, - but Seoul-Kruscher just told me ''Jobswürth, hurry up and take a seat.''

"Can you believe that? He didn't even acknowledge my sartorial effort.
I did my Powerpoint presentation in character but my heart was no longer in it after that initial snub.''

"Jane was instant messaging me all morning but I couldn't face her after that so I had to fob her off and avoid her. I ended up having my sambos in the jacks and had removed my fangs by late afternoon. By four I was just a loon in a cape.

"It's typical Kruscher. He's always on to me about realising my potential, then I go out on a limb with a moment of inspiration and get nothing. That’s the last risk I ever take. Jane can go and shite with her danger malarkey.’’

Paul Morrissey

 
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Doctors are working around the clock pretending to try and save him.

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Topless Ukraine activist grabs Euro Cup

(Reuters) - A Ukrainian women's rights activist stripped to the waist and seized the Euro-2012 soccer trophy while it was on public display in Kiev on Saturday in a protest against the forthcoming month-long championship.

 
The young woman, 23-year-old Yulia Kovpachik, is a member of the Kiev-based Femen women's rights group which believes the Euro-2012 soccer tournament being played in Ukraine next month will encourage sex tourism.
 
Kovpachik strode up to the silver, 60 centimeter (two feet) high trophy, which was on display as a tourist attraction in an open air exhibition in central Kiev, ostensibly to be photographed alongside it like hundreds of other sightseers.
 
But she then pulled down her red T-shirt to reveal the words "Fuck Euro 2012" scrawled on her torso. As she grabbed hold of the cup with both hands, she was seized by security guards, who appeared to have had advanced warning of the protest.
 
They covered her with a sheet and took her off to a waiting police car.
 
The protest appeared to be the first action in a campaign against the championship by Femen which regularly stages bare-breast protests in Ukraine - and sometimes beyond - to highlight what it sees as political injustice, social abuse and the exploitation of women in Ukraine.
 
Femen says Euro-2012, which Ukraine is co-hosting with Poland next month with the final in Kiev on July 1, will be a magnet for sex tourists - one of the group's main targets - and will feed a booming sex industry.
 
About one million foreign tourists are expected in Ukraine for the Euros.
 
Organisers said the 8 kg (17 lbs) Henri Delaunay cup was undamaged though Kovpachik appeared to topple back under its weight as security guards seized her. It was still on show in late evening.
 
Femen's spokeswoman, Anna Gutsol, said Kovpachik, who staged the protest on her 23rd birthday, was released after being told she would have to appear in court on Monday on a charge of hooliganism. The charge carries a maximum fine of 800 hryvnias ($100) and 15 days detention.
 
Conscious of Ukraine's growing reputation as a new destination for sex tourism, Euro-2012 organisers say they are taking steps to curb prostitution during the month-long tournament.
 
After Kovpachik's protest, Femen activist Olexandra Shevchenko told reporters: "We came here today to stop this Euro fan low-life from making a bordello out of Ukraine."
 
City authorities have mounted the trophy in a temporary exhibition area on Kiev's Independence Square.
 
Hundreds of sightseers were queuing up under the blazing sun for souvenir photographs alongside it when Kovpachik staged her demonstration.
 
Independence Square itself will be the centre of a huge 'fan-zone' during Euro-2012, capable of holding tens of thousands of football supporters.

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Auld lads are a gas bit of craic so they are. And they're on Twitter here. By Jaysus...