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Man describes Christmas as 'quiet'

A middle-aged man trudged back into work this week and faced the same bullshit questions from every single work colleague. The relentless questions meant he had to force a smile and genuine tone while wheeling out the exact same answer every time, without fail.

Janet from accounting sauntered over to him and popped the oh-so-exciting question of “How was your Christmas?

Bored and needing a piss, the man politely said it was “Oh lovely, thanks. Very quiet, y’know? Didn’t get up to too much. Just ate a lot, and drank a lot, you know yourself. And you?”

Janet replied with the shocking revelation that her Christmas had been “much of the same” and then followed up with some gruesomely uninteresting drivel about her kids and what they got from Santa.

The man then faced several “Happy new year” wishes, to which he’d reply with either “And the same to yourself” or possibly, if it were a slightly older member of staff, “And many happy returns”. This would be followed with some mournful remark about being “back to the old grind again, eh?”

Secretly the man doesn’t care about it being a new year, because the only thing that’s different is that he has a few new pairs of socks that he received as Christmas gifts, along with a Lynx shower gel and deodorant set that he’ll never actually use.

On a related note, it’s the perfect time for office comedians to make comments about it only being another fifty weeks until Christmas, which as we all know, is really hilarious and new and original. So that’s something to look forward to.

Mark Walsh

 
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Topless Ukraine activist grabs Euro Cup

(Reuters) - A Ukrainian women's rights activist stripped to the waist and seized the Euro-2012 soccer trophy while it was on public display in Kiev on Saturday in a protest against the forthcoming month-long championship.

 
The young woman, 23-year-old Yulia Kovpachik, is a member of the Kiev-based Femen women's rights group which believes the Euro-2012 soccer tournament being played in Ukraine next month will encourage sex tourism.
 
Kovpachik strode up to the silver, 60 centimeter (two feet) high trophy, which was on display as a tourist attraction in an open air exhibition in central Kiev, ostensibly to be photographed alongside it like hundreds of other sightseers.
 
But she then pulled down her red T-shirt to reveal the words "Fuck Euro 2012" scrawled on her torso. As she grabbed hold of the cup with both hands, she was seized by security guards, who appeared to have had advanced warning of the protest.
 
They covered her with a sheet and took her off to a waiting police car.
 
The protest appeared to be the first action in a campaign against the championship by Femen which regularly stages bare-breast protests in Ukraine - and sometimes beyond - to highlight what it sees as political injustice, social abuse and the exploitation of women in Ukraine.
 
Femen says Euro-2012, which Ukraine is co-hosting with Poland next month with the final in Kiev on July 1, will be a magnet for sex tourists - one of the group's main targets - and will feed a booming sex industry.
 
About one million foreign tourists are expected in Ukraine for the Euros.
 
Organisers said the 8 kg (17 lbs) Henri Delaunay cup was undamaged though Kovpachik appeared to topple back under its weight as security guards seized her. It was still on show in late evening.
 
Femen's spokeswoman, Anna Gutsol, said Kovpachik, who staged the protest on her 23rd birthday, was released after being told she would have to appear in court on Monday on a charge of hooliganism. The charge carries a maximum fine of 800 hryvnias ($100) and 15 days detention.
 
Conscious of Ukraine's growing reputation as a new destination for sex tourism, Euro-2012 organisers say they are taking steps to curb prostitution during the month-long tournament.
 
After Kovpachik's protest, Femen activist Olexandra Shevchenko told reporters: "We came here today to stop this Euro fan low-life from making a bordello out of Ukraine."
 
City authorities have mounted the trophy in a temporary exhibition area on Kiev's Independence Square.
 
Hundreds of sightseers were queuing up under the blazing sun for souvenir photographs alongside it when Kovpachik staged her demonstration.
 
Independence Square itself will be the centre of a huge 'fan-zone' during Euro-2012, capable of holding tens of thousands of football supporters.

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Auld lads are a gas bit of craic so they are. And they're on Twitter here. By Jaysus...