A dinner left cold, a man still fuming. Thomas O’Connor, a resident of Dublin 8, is seeking full compensation after he suffered a loss of appetite while viewing the RTE: Six One News.
The recent series of world tragedies left a bitter taste in the mouth of the Louth native, “It was all set, the meat, the mash, the veg. Sat down, tele on and what do I see? The terrorism, the famine, and the dead. It put me right off”
Not only is this a financial matter as O’Connor points out, the incident too caused rifts in his marriage of 12 years. “It had nothing to do with her cooking. I tried convincing her for hours. I was experiencing something beyond culinary skills, beyond indigestion, it was empathy. And it’s for that exact reason I plan to sue RTE for everything they have.”
Today in court O’Connor stood brandishing, a stale, half eaten beef-wellington. Forensics proved the findings to be damning. Crumbs and ill-attempted chews around the perimeter of the pastried wad of cow signified a struggle, while signs of hesitant knife and fork play indicated apathy. In his last plea for justice, O‘Connor took to the stand.
“RTE are well known for their tasteless coverage but this is beyond the pale, I am forced daily to gorge on an omnibus of suffering, Middle Eastern this, typhoon that. What once was a glistening beef bonanza is now a listless slab of gristle unfit for consumption. I won’t stop till RTE give back what was mine. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a meal for a meal. Justice shall prevail “
Update: Lawsuit falls through after it was revealed the evidence was cooked.