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Limerick Good Friday Agreement - City Publican to be crucified

By Waterford Whispers News

Limerick city publicans have come to an agreement with senior Gardai about the possibility of opening bars on Good Friday for Munster and Leinster rugby fans.

The chairman of the Limerick City Vintners, Jerry O'Dea, said that his organisation had already had a "productive" meeting with Limerick Garda chief superintendent Dave Sheahan about a possible human sacrifice on good Friday - if they are given the go ahead to open their pubs for the duration of the rugby game.

"The sacrifice will have to be someone from the bar trade, it is only fair. We will put a lottery system into place so that there will be no bias." stated Supt. Sheehan.

Over 26,000 fans are expected to attend the 2 April evening fixture, but because of the licensing laws and deep Christian faith in Ireland, the pubs are not allowed to open on Good Friday.

"A publican crucifixion is the only way around this" claimed O'Dea. "It is only fair that we should have some sort of sacrifice for our ungodly opening times. It is what Jesus would have wanted."

Limerick Chamber of Commerce has estimated that this rugby fixture will probably contribute up to €110 billion to the local economy, but that prediction is debatable.

The names of 120 Limerick publicans will be put into a raffle drum and then spun in an anti-clockwise direction to add to the drama. One name will be picked at random by a selected independent adjudicator. This martyr lottery will take place on Thursday the 1st of April in Henry Street Garda station.

The 'chosen one' will then be treated to a beautiful three course supper in Jurys Inn with twelve of his peers, followed by the crowning of the thorns in the hotel foyer and then 39 lashes in the residents bar.

The carrying of the cross will begin on O'Connell street at 3pm on good Friday and end in Moyross sometime after that.

In completely unrelated news:
Alcoholics of the world grateful for St. Patrick's Day midweek drinking
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