This flying lark is a piece of piss!

The industrial action by airlines planned for tomorrow has been postponed. The lazy workers claimed before the talks last night that no compromise could be reached. “Well, it‘s just ridiculous, when am I supposed to go on holidays?” said one angry pilot. “I mean when that ash cloud was coming our way I thought that‘d be a nice break.”

It seems the pilots’ representatives claim there are not enough pilots to do the amount of work required for the amount of flights.

“It appeared the only solution was to go on strike and show them how much we do. If there‘s enough pilots then they must have some invisible fairy pilots that we don‘t know about. Since they have enough, they can take our work and see how they do.”

An angry holiday planner was outraged about the threat of a strike. “As lay people, we have to constantly live in fear that our flight might be cancelled. We‘re already facing the possibility of only having two holidays this year what with the recession and then there‘s another bloody ash cloud, and then this? The thoughts of waiting until September to go to Florida again is just terrifying.”

Aer Lingus have clarified that there are no invisible fairy pilots. “We are not saying we have a secret stash, we‘re just saying the pilots we do have could work a little harder, that‘s all. That’s why child sweat shops are so effective!”

Management also says the staff are never happy. “I often hear them all complain about going home to face their children or see the old ball and chain. Now I have provided them with an excellent opportunity to skip that and all of a sudden it‘s ‘Oh we love our families, we don’t see them enough,’ I don‘t understand. Fuck ‘em. I’ll do it myself. I’ve played Flight Simulator on the laptop a few times. How hard can it be?”

Jenny Darmody