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Jobs boost as Strike Breaking firm to employ 300 hired goons
irish strike breakers protestors attacked

Multi-national strike breaking specialists Headcrackers Incorporated have announced plans to expand into the Irish market.

The new venture will result in the creation of 300 jobs nationally, in a diverse range of areas such as administration, customer service and beating people with pickaxe handles. Anyone with an interest in sadism or right wing politics is encouraged to apply.

“Well it might be bust for Ireland but it’s boom for us baby,” CEO Aidan Bowen-Crusher, told The Spanner. “There are so many strikes on the way here that we’ll be up to our knees in lefty blood in no time.

“It reminds me of the golden days of the 1913 lockout. My grandfather started this company then to break up strikes for William Martin Murphy. Ah those were the days. You could inflict as much violence on exploited workers as you liked and if they complained to the cops they’d get a smack in the jaw for talking out of turn.”

“Nowadays it’s all human rights and blady blah and I want to be a transsexual refugee and still get paid minimum wage. Pah! I blame Europe. Never trust people who eat salami for breakfast.”

The company specialises in ‘strategic labour relations solutions,’ which Bowen-Crusher clarifies as ‘basically baiting the dung out of people who won’t go back to work or try to block scabs getting in. We’ve proven our worth over the last year sorting out protestors in Iran and Burma and we’re expecting things to run just as smoothly here.’

Head of the Dem Bleedin Pampered Public Servants Union, John Handenumber, said that his members aren’t particularly worried about the arrival of Headcrackers on the scene.

“Strike breakers?” he laughed. “Sure what are they going to break? We’ll all be up the North doing the Christmas shopping anyway so there’ll be nobody on the picket line to batter. Good luck to them”
 

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Miami named most miserable U.S. city

(Reuters) - Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll.

The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list.

"Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years," explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen.

The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income and property taxes, as well as considerations like weather, commute time and political corruption.

Reeling for decades from the decline of the U.S. auto industry, Michigan's troubled duo of Detroit and Flint registered at No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, among the most miserable cities.

"Detroit and Flint are struggling," said Badenhausen. "Violent crime is highest in the country in Detroit; housing prices are down 55 percent. Detroit is closing schools and laying off policemen. In recent years they have been demolishing houses to change their city landscapes"

West Palm Beach, Florida and Sacramento, California rounded out the top five cities.

"We're trying to judge cities where residents have a lot of complaints. It doesn't mean that there aren't terrific things there," he said.

And for the haves Miami's charms remain undiminished.

"The one percent in Miami is doing fantastic. But for the vast majority, who make less than $75,000 (a year), Miami can be a challenging place," he said. "Forty-seven percent of homeowners sit on underwater mortgages. That's tough."