Multi-national strike breaking specialists Headcrackers Incorporated have announced plans to expand into the Irish market.

The new venture will result in the creation of 300 jobs nationally, in a diverse range of areas such as administration, customer service and beating people with pickaxe handles. Anyone with an interest in sadism or right wing politics is encouraged to apply.

“Well it might be bust for Ireland but it’s boom for us baby,” CEO Aidan Bowen-Crusher, told The Spanner. “There are so many strikes on the way here that we’ll be up to our knees in lefty blood in no time.

“It reminds me of the golden days of the 1913 lockout. My grandfather started this company then to break up strikes for William Martin Murphy. Ah those were the days. You could inflict as much violence on exploited workers as you liked and if they complained to the cops they’d get a smack in the jaw for talking out of turn.”

“Nowadays it’s all human rights and blady blah and I want to be a transsexual refugee and still get paid minimum wage. Pah! I blame Europe. Never trust people who eat salami for breakfast.”

The company specialises in ‘strategic labour relations solutions,’ which Bowen-Crusher clarifies as ‘basically baiting the dung out of people who won’t go back to work or try to block scabs getting in. We’ve proven our worth over the last year sorting out protestors in Iran and Burma and we’re expecting things to run just as smoothly here.’

Head of the Dem Bleedin Pampered Public Servants Union, John Handenumber, said that his members aren’t particularly worried about the arrival of Headcrackers on the scene.

“Strike breakers?” he laughed. “Sure what are they going to break? We’ll all be up the North doing the Christmas shopping anyway so there’ll be nobody on the picket line to batter. Good luck to them”
 

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