FIVE! FIVE GOALKEEPERS!

The Republic of Ireland football team are preparing for a difficult match against a much worse opposition this Saturday.

Ireland are expected to continue the trend of recent years by making a mountain out of the molehill of beating Macedonia in the upcoming Euro 2012 qualifer.

Having seen their team stagger to a victory against Armenia, a country that noboby fucking knows anything about and could probably barely manage to find 22 footballers to fill the squad, Irish football fans are dreading the inevitability of watching their team play dire football along with enduring frustratingly unambitious tactical decisions.

The FAI are already preparing excuses for their failure, with injuries plaguing some of the more experienced members of the squad. Chief executive John Delaney noted that:

“Shay Given’s out anyway. He’s the goalkeeper. The one with the gloves. Richard Dunne and John O’Shea probably won’t be fit either. They’re the big lads who kick the shite out of the other lads. Keith Andrews is also a doubt, so we’re looking at trying to find a big cardboard box to stick in the centre of midfield to replace him. I asked down in Spar if they had any but the cunts wanted to charge me a quid. Kevin Doyle just lost a game of Fifa there yesterday, so I just don’t know if his head is right. James McCarthy has a lot of skill, but I haven’t seen him hoofing very much, so I can’t see Trap playing him."

Robbie Keane has stated that despite injuries and lack of game time, he’s “still good at playing football” and recently notched himself “a new record of heads-and-volleys last week”

Irish fans can rest assured that whatever the result of the game, we can expect an Irish moral victory, perhaps due to a questionable offside decision or a dive by the opposition that gave them a free kick that came to nothing in the end, but definitely changed the game in a big way.