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iPad Literally Magic, Reports Consumer Watchdog

Apple CEO Steve Jobs is “pleased, but unsurprised” according to a statement released today by the Californian computer giant in response to a report by a US consumer watchdog that validates Jobs’ claims that the iPad is a “magical device”.

The device - which costs just over €500 for a basic model – came under intense scrutiny when it was released in the US.

Users experienced glitches with the levitation and walking-through-walls functions. Shortly after the US release, Apple was flooded with complaints from iPad owners who experienced issues with the time-travel function – some missing their intended destination by years, or even decades.

While some consumers demanded refunds to compensate them for the iPad’s lack of full magical functionality, others remained satisfied: John, a PR professional said “These newspaper apps are incredible – the display is so crisp and clear. Now I can read The Irish Times wherever I am – truly magical stuff!”

John, an accountant, echoed this view: “For me, the most important thing was the new Scrabble app: it has multiplayer functionality, which is obviously a key breakthrough, and that crisp HD screen – how much more magic could you ask for?”

Industry analysts who were critical of Apple’s marketing techniques – describing Jobs’ “magical” claims as “unjustified, hyperbolic and misleading” – have largely been silenced by the findings of the watchdog’s report. It found that the device was also capable of performing alchemy, producing love potions and conjuring up demons.

However, some of these functions require additional downloads, which has displeased consumers.

An article in The Sunday Business Post noted that these applications will still represent reasonably good value when they go on sale in the Irish market: “While the extra €7.99 being charged for the alchemy app may grate with people who feel they have already paid enough for the iPad, it must be taken into account that the ability to turn infinite amounts of base metals such as lead into gold has potential for a considerable upside.”

Eoin Brady

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Miami named most miserable U.S. city

(Reuters) - Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll.

The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list.

"Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years," explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen.

The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income and property taxes, as well as considerations like weather, commute time and political corruption.

Reeling for decades from the decline of the U.S. auto industry, Michigan's troubled duo of Detroit and Flint registered at No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, among the most miserable cities.

"Detroit and Flint are struggling," said Badenhausen. "Violent crime is highest in the country in Detroit; housing prices are down 55 percent. Detroit is closing schools and laying off policemen. In recent years they have been demolishing houses to change their city landscapes"

West Palm Beach, Florida and Sacramento, California rounded out the top five cities.

"We're trying to judge cities where residents have a lot of complaints. It doesn't mean that there aren't terrific things there," he said.

And for the haves Miami's charms remain undiminished.

"The one percent in Miami is doing fantastic. But for the vast majority, who make less than $75,000 (a year), Miami can be a challenging place," he said. "Forty-seven percent of homeowners sit on underwater mortgages. That's tough."