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Government announce one minister to be voted out each week until King of the cabinet is declared

The government have announced that the media attention generated by the resignations by ministers Willie STD and Trevor  Sargent has influenced a dramatic new policy initiative.

Following a week in which politics have rarely left the headlines, TDs plan to capitalise on the rare public interest by starting a new television series 'I'm a member of the cabinet, get me out of here'

The show which has apparently already been running secretly for the last fortnight, involves a different government minister's wrongdoing being exposed each week, until only one is left.

He or she will then get to dissolve the Dail and be guaranteed immunity from reelection by winning the position of ceann comhairle as a prize.

The remaining ministers will face a series of challenges throughout the week, such as reading a 5 minute speech without notes or speaking about the need to cut the salaries of the lower paid while maintaining a straight face.

'The best thing about it is that they're all as bent as each other, so it's only a matter of time before they're found out,' said a spokesperson for TV Gee, who are producing the show.

The programme will be screened on TV Gee every weeknight after that programme where the women pretend celebrities are important

Meanwhile Minister for Contempt, Dermot 'The Sneer' Ahern, has angrily rejected suggestions he orchestrated the voting out of Trevor 'Sarge' Sargent as a response to buddy Willie STD losing his cabinet place.

"Of course I was upset when Willie left," said The Sneer. "He's been a good friend to me since we've been in the cabinet together and we've bonded over the tasks. Sarge might have fallen foul of politics but I'm just here to do the best I can and hopefully earn a photoshoot with U magazine once I'm booted out."

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John Terry won't be facing trial for racial abuse until after Euro 2012. So he's free to lead his country into Poland. Just like his hero did.
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Irishman makes "billion-euro home" of shredded notes

(Reuters) - An unemployed Irish artist has built a home from the shredded remains of 1.4 billion euros ($1.82 billion), a monument to the "madness" he says has been wrought on Ireland by the single currency, from a spectacular construction boom to a wrenching bust.

Frank Buckley built the apartment in the lobby of a Dublin office building that has lain vacant since its completion four years ago at the peak of an ill-fated construction boom, using bricks of shredded euro notes he borrowed from Ireland's national mint.

"It's a reflection of the whole madness that gripped us," Buckley said of what he calls his "billion-euro home."

"People were pouring billions into buildings now worth nothing," he said. "I wanted to create something from nothing."

A wave of cheap credit flowed into Ireland in the early 2000s after Ireland joined the currency zone fuelling a huge property bubble that transformed the country.

The bubble's collapse since 2007 plunged Ireland into the deepest recession in the industrialized world, forcing the former "Celtic Tiger" to accept a humiliating bailout from the EU and the IMF.

Buckley was given a 100 percent mortgage at the peak of the boom to buy a 365,000 euro home on the far reaches of Dublin's commuter belt, despite the fact he had no steady income.

He has separated from his wife who lives in the home, which has since lost at least one-third of its value.

Living in his "billion euro home" since the start of December, Buckley is working on adding a kitchen to the living room and hall.

The walls and floor are covered in euro shreddings and the house is so warm Buckley sleeps without a blanket.

Pictures made from notes and coins decorate the walls, including one of a house, made from Irish 5 pence pieces.

"There are houses in Ireland worth less than that," Buckley quips.

Buckley said he wants Europe's politicians to solve the eurozone debt crisis without destroying its currency. But if the currency ultimately fails, he will happily use the euro zone's defunct notes as fodder for future projects.

"Whatever you say about the euro, it's a great insulator."