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Global surprise as world doesn't end

Notorious apocalypse predictor, Harold Camping, was adamant that the world would end at exactly 6pm on Saturday, May 21. The religious broadcaster came up with a mathematical solution from the bible that pointed to the precise time that the world would start to end. We all know how well mathematics and religion mix.

“Well it’s perfectly logical and foolproof,” said Camping. He said May 21 was 722,500 days from 1 April AD33, which he believes was the day of the Crucifixion. The figure of 722,500 is important because you get it by multiplying 5, 10 and 17 together twice. “Ah yes, they are holy numbers in the bible, it says so in some of the more special bibles, not very many people know about them.”

Since the rapture didn’t happen, Camping has not made any public appearances. However, some followers are slightly more vocal. Mike, 46 believed Camping so much that he sold everything he owned and stayed in a five star hotel in LA for the weekend worth about half a million dollars. “I figured I‘m going to be saved and I don‘t want God to think I live in some crappy apartment, I wanted him to think, ‘ok this guy lives the high life, cool.’ Now I have to pay the hotel bill and somehow tell my landlord I was joking when I told him I didn’t want his poxy apartment.”

Tony, a randomer from Grafton Street says, “I don‘t think anyone is addressing the real worrying point here. Sure the guy shouldn‘t be making end of the world predictions, and yes he shouldn‘t be broadcasting it to the world and telling them to sell all their stuff. But know one seems to see that this is a guy with a degree in engineering, who continues to make mathematical errors. That‘s some degree he has there.”

A bar tender in California said how much he loves the raptures. “I seen plenty and I love them, end of the world calls for serious drowning of sorrows. The bar sales go up like crazy. Everyone wants to have a drink in their hand when the world ends and if you charge sky high prices people will pay them ‘cause they think, ‘what do you I need money for tomorrow?’ Well you‘ll need food, water, clothes, rent, same as usual…”

Jenny Darmody

 

 
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It is rumoured that President Robert Mugabe is fighting for his life in a Singapore hospital.

Doctors are working around the clock pretending to try and save him.

(Jimmy Carr)

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Topless Ukraine activist grabs Euro Cup

(Reuters) - A Ukrainian women's rights activist stripped to the waist and seized the Euro-2012 soccer trophy while it was on public display in Kiev on Saturday in a protest against the forthcoming month-long championship.

 
The young woman, 23-year-old Yulia Kovpachik, is a member of the Kiev-based Femen women's rights group which believes the Euro-2012 soccer tournament being played in Ukraine next month will encourage sex tourism.
 
Kovpachik strode up to the silver, 60 centimeter (two feet) high trophy, which was on display as a tourist attraction in an open air exhibition in central Kiev, ostensibly to be photographed alongside it like hundreds of other sightseers.
 
But she then pulled down her red T-shirt to reveal the words "Fuck Euro 2012" scrawled on her torso. As she grabbed hold of the cup with both hands, she was seized by security guards, who appeared to have had advanced warning of the protest.
 
They covered her with a sheet and took her off to a waiting police car.
 
The protest appeared to be the first action in a campaign against the championship by Femen which regularly stages bare-breast protests in Ukraine - and sometimes beyond - to highlight what it sees as political injustice, social abuse and the exploitation of women in Ukraine.
 
Femen says Euro-2012, which Ukraine is co-hosting with Poland next month with the final in Kiev on July 1, will be a magnet for sex tourists - one of the group's main targets - and will feed a booming sex industry.
 
About one million foreign tourists are expected in Ukraine for the Euros.
 
Organisers said the 8 kg (17 lbs) Henri Delaunay cup was undamaged though Kovpachik appeared to topple back under its weight as security guards seized her. It was still on show in late evening.
 
Femen's spokeswoman, Anna Gutsol, said Kovpachik, who staged the protest on her 23rd birthday, was released after being told she would have to appear in court on Monday on a charge of hooliganism. The charge carries a maximum fine of 800 hryvnias ($100) and 15 days detention.
 
Conscious of Ukraine's growing reputation as a new destination for sex tourism, Euro-2012 organisers say they are taking steps to curb prostitution during the month-long tournament.
 
After Kovpachik's protest, Femen activist Olexandra Shevchenko told reporters: "We came here today to stop this Euro fan low-life from making a bordello out of Ukraine."
 
City authorities have mounted the trophy in a temporary exhibition area on Kiev's Independence Square.
 
Hundreds of sightseers were queuing up under the blazing sun for souvenir photographs alongside it when Kovpachik staged her demonstration.
 
Independence Square itself will be the centre of a huge 'fan-zone' during Euro-2012, capable of holding tens of thousands of football supporters.

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Auld lads are a gas bit of craic so they are. And they're on Twitter here. By Jaysus...