The battle of bullshit is on this weekend as two thought-up institutions of the calender occur one day after the other.

Today is of course Friday, we all love Fridays. Unless of course it falls in conjunction with the 13th day of any particular month, on which case some facets of industry break to a shuddering halt in fear of the insidious forces of chance.

Today is Friday the 13th, and it has you by the balls.

The root cause of the crippling paraskevidekatriaphobia (oh yeah) is unknown, largely because there isn’t one. Though there are various theories, none of them stand up to even the slightest scrutiny. A date of the year like any other, it’s not so much based around proof of bad luck as offering an excuse for an excuse. Basically, have a good shit day at work and blame the calender.

That it collides so horribly with another staple of the marketing malaise that fills our year with empty horseshit only adds salt to the gaping wound existing in peoples heart.

Valentines Day is here. Oysters are being prepared all over the country to try and rekindle the magic lost in those pre-marital relationships as plastic red roses get exchanged for oral pleasure to the tune of Michael Buble.

While all that The single masses of the country are to be systematically split up. As lonely ladies flock for a vicarious Valentines treat to see 50 Shades of Gee, men will be tapping tins to the roar of Rugby as Ireland lock horns with the French. It just doesn’t get any more romantic than that.

It’s Valentines weekend, everyone. Get ready to shtick it in…