As we’ve mentioned before, we have a lot of love for the Irish language here.
Whether you only know ‘cupla focal’ or are a fully-fledged Gaeilgeoir, there’s just something very romantic about being able to speak in the Irish language.
However, if we’re being totally honest with ourselves, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of practical uses for the language in 2017 Ireland.
It’s a shame but it’s the truth. Luckily though, there are still certain situations and scenarios where those brutal double Irish classes and come in handy.
Be sure to keep a few phrases in your back pocket for these specific moments; you have no idea how useful they could actually be! Well, maybe. Possibly. We’re not sure.
1. Speaking in code abroad
This is the gold standard when it comes to a need to speak Irish. Have you ever been more compelled to speak as Gaeilge than when you’re abroad?
Sometimes it’s just to combat those feelings of longing for Dairygold butter and chicken fillet rolls, but this can also be used tactically.
Like an eternal private joke, there’s something very satisfying about being able to slag off locals within touching distance of you and for them to be completely and utterly clueless.
Of course, most of us would only be able to remember the word ámadan in this situation (it means idiot, you idiot) but it’s the intent that counts.
Sure they probably do the same to us all the time. We see it as fair game.
2. Campaigning for the six counties
Okay, just to be clear, we are not campaigning for any sort of violent uprising or aligning ourselves with any nationalist paramilitaries. We’d sooner just have a pint and let things play themselves out.
However, there are certain, occasional times when you’re just feeling a little patriotic and can’t help but think that gap that’s seen in the north of the Republic of Ireland just looks a little bit off.
All of a sudden you’re overcome by the ghosts of Wolfe Tone, Michael Collins and Gerry Adams all at once, and you need a bit of Irish to really get in the spirit of things.
Like a kebab tray and the next morning’s overwhelming sense of regret, the Irish language and nationalism go hand in hand.
Let loose, become one with the language and enjoy it; just don’t do anything too crazy though. I mean, surely we can all just get along?
3. Watching Spongebob on TG4
A niche situation certainly, but surely enough of us were in this situation as children?
You come home, flick through the TV channels and realise there’s nothing good on whatsoever. Apart from a certain sponge who lives under the sea on TG4.
Much to your shock though, Spongebob now sounds like while he lives in Bikini Bottom, he was actually born in the back arse of Kerry. And he’s speaking Irish too?!
So you’d try to understand bits and pieces, and to be honest once he was getting up to some Krabby-patty related mischief you wouldn’t even care.
Of course, a better grasp of the language would be ideal in this situation. Forget Netflix or Nickelodeon; TG4 is where it’s at for all things Spongebob Squarepants.
4. Trying to pull foreign locals
First of all, this definitely gets the Oxygen.ie award for most terrifying stock photo on the internet. Poor woman…
Secondly, do you really think that French is the language of love and romance? Not a chance!
Irishmen and women are admired and wooed over around the world for our ‘charming’ accents. We don’t fully believe it either, but apparently it’s true!
What better way to multiply the effects of this then by throwing in a few focal to really raise the temperature?
They don’t have a clue what you’re saying, and to be fair you probably don’t either but it doesn’t matter. It’s the idea of Irish more than anything is what will make this work.
If you’re able to follow this technique though the next time you’re away and you still don’t manage to pull, there might be no hope for you left…