Like your funerals, christenings or your weird aunty’s wedding, the library is somewhere you really don’t wanna go, but always end up having to.

We’ve all had to deal with those late night assignment deadlines or cramming sessions, and there’s nothing that really makes the whole experience works than your fellow students.

In an ideal world, everybody would be in the same caffeine induced work mindset as you are but this is never the case.

Some people treat it either as a disco or their own personal playground; either way sharing this space is a nightmare. We think we could ultimately improve it by getting rid of these certain people:

1. People having the chats and craic in the library!

God, it really is the best place to have the craic isn’t it? Why not 4 or 5 of you gather around a table (don’t worry if there aren’t enough seats, grab some free ones from over yonder) and chat with giddy delight about your plans for after exams!

OR gather around a table and chat with giddy delight (for some reason) about your group assignment?! Because a lot of you do apparently – I don’t know why?!

Another key point to note is that you must make sure you laugh loudly (it helps if you have a particularly annoying laugh).

Also, you know the saying “Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever”? Well in this case, “Chat in the library as if you weren’t in the library” Wisdom.

2. People who snort phlegm as if it’s cocaine!

Yes! If you have a cold or a stuffed-up nose this winter (or indeed anytime of the year), make sure you DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, blow it!

You must SNORT! Loud and guttural! GUTTURAL, I said!!

3. You see those computers over there?

Go over and sit at one. Plug in your USB and get to work on that essay.

Now here’s the key point to note: you must HAMMER your fingers down on those keys as HARD AS YOU CAN! Particularly the space bar! Okay?

This is crucial! You need those spaces, people! If you feel that you might not be hitting those keys hard enough, recruit a friend. Now both of you can hammer down on that space bar together.

4. Finally finished that essay after hours in the library?

Submitting it last minute? Better get to the office fast! But wait, something’s missing… That’s right! People walking slowly in front of you!

These noble individuals are here to remind us at this stressful time to calm down; to stop and smell the roses. After all, whoever made time made plenty of it. Didn’t they?

No, they didn’t – you didn’t submit your essay in time. You fail.

5. Ah the librarians. Where would we be without them?

Helpful, hardworking, dedicated, and not hypocritical at all. Nope, they never talk loudly in the library themselves.

Particularly after walking around all day shushing you like it’s going out of fashion. They certainly don’t walk around chatting to each other as though the library is their own personal clubhouse, shooting you a look as though to say, “you’re in my house now bitch, I’ll talk as much I damn well please”. This never happens.

James Simcox