The new Super Mario

Fianna Fail have announced plans to launch pornographic images and videos on their website in a bid to attract votes for the coming election.

The decision came after Fine Gael recently transformed their website into a game in which users control Enda Kenny, leaping over traffic cones, and shooting political rivals. The game has been described as “overwhelmingly shit”, “ridiculous”, “about as technologically advanced as Pong” and “genuinely less enjoyable than a kick in the balls by Ronan O’Gara”

Micheal Martin has said that the only way to counteract this “ingenious masterstroke” by Fine Gael was with “Tits. Loads and loads of tits. I want nipples the size of dinner plates.”

Martin justified his decision, with his reasoning that “Fianna Fail have always treated the people of this country like idiots and wankers. If Fine Gael are going to take the Idiot share with their game, then it’s up to us to appeal to the Wankers with our porn.”

Amid controversy following the decision, Martin defended himself, reassuring us that "everyone loves a cheeky pull" and that "there's no harm in bashing the bishop"

Martin continued, stating that “If the porn goes down well (no pun intended), we might start charging people to watch it. That’d make a few quid, eh? How’s that for economic policy?”

Labour, meanwhile, are said to be constructing a social networking site called “Twatter”, which is set to "outdo Bebo once and for all" 

Mark Walsh
www.walsho.net