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Facebook founder’s letter to Santa revealed

Mark Zuckerberg - Billionaire, scourge of chickens

Following the ironically hilarious hacking of facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg’s profile this week, The Spanner has obtained a copy of the Zuck’s private letter to Santa Claus.

Pictures taken from the Ubernerd’s profile appeared to show him killing and eating a chicken but, as we think you’ll agree, some of the revelations contained in the facebook message (naturally) to Snt Nik, as he's rebranded himself, as are even more disturbing.

Dear Santa,

My name is Mark. I like computers. I have mostly been a good boy. For Christmas this year I would like the following items and a surprise.

Real friends
My friends are great and all but sometimes I think people see me out for dinner with overweight middle-aged venture capitalists and think I’m someone’s son on work experience. The guys in the office laugh at everything I say whether its funny or not. I tested them last week with a quote from ‘Two and a half men’ and they reacted as if it was the most hilarious thing they’d ever heard. Dicks.

All communication to take place through facebook
Do we really need email any more? Let’s just make replace everything with facebook. Sample office conversation – “Did you facebook that facebook for me? No, I have to facebook John to remind him to facebook me the facebook.” Jackpot. Anybody who still uses Google, Twitter, or any of those other relics should be forced to wear a 'fail' badge. We can discuss rounding them up later.

 

Priscilla Chan - Millionaire girlfriend material at best

No more facebook changes
Never mind the hacking, facebook is changing so often that even I can’t keep up with it. It actually took me two hours and several google searches to find out how to send you this message. I mean facebook searches. Shit. I would also like the android app to be faster than a faulty commodore-64.

Hotter girlfriend
Priscilla’s great and all but really?! Come man Santa I’m worth $17bn for god’s sake! She’s a millionaire girlfriend at best. I also don’t like the way she demands a thousand dollars for every minute she spends with me.

Less bitching about privacy
Let’s be honest Santa, if people are going to start an online page for the main purpose of showing off in pictures and telling everyone what they had for lunch can they really blame me for wanting to advertise to them? Just wait until our new ads based on their inner-most thoughts start – then they’ll know all about f**king privacy. You too Santa, don't think we don't know where all that Elf porn ships to.

 
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Facebook, Doggy-style

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 Joke of the Day

It is rumoured that President Robert Mugabe is fighting for his life in a Singapore hospital.

Doctors are working around the clock pretending to try and save him.

(Jimmy Carr)

Spanner TV

The sequel to White Men Can't Jump...

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Topless Ukraine activist grabs Euro Cup

(Reuters) - A Ukrainian women's rights activist stripped to the waist and seized the Euro-2012 soccer trophy while it was on public display in Kiev on Saturday in a protest against the forthcoming month-long championship.

 
The young woman, 23-year-old Yulia Kovpachik, is a member of the Kiev-based Femen women's rights group which believes the Euro-2012 soccer tournament being played in Ukraine next month will encourage sex tourism.
 
Kovpachik strode up to the silver, 60 centimeter (two feet) high trophy, which was on display as a tourist attraction in an open air exhibition in central Kiev, ostensibly to be photographed alongside it like hundreds of other sightseers.
 
But she then pulled down her red T-shirt to reveal the words "Fuck Euro 2012" scrawled on her torso. As she grabbed hold of the cup with both hands, she was seized by security guards, who appeared to have had advanced warning of the protest.
 
They covered her with a sheet and took her off to a waiting police car.
 
The protest appeared to be the first action in a campaign against the championship by Femen which regularly stages bare-breast protests in Ukraine - and sometimes beyond - to highlight what it sees as political injustice, social abuse and the exploitation of women in Ukraine.
 
Femen says Euro-2012, which Ukraine is co-hosting with Poland next month with the final in Kiev on July 1, will be a magnet for sex tourists - one of the group's main targets - and will feed a booming sex industry.
 
About one million foreign tourists are expected in Ukraine for the Euros.
 
Organisers said the 8 kg (17 lbs) Henri Delaunay cup was undamaged though Kovpachik appeared to topple back under its weight as security guards seized her. It was still on show in late evening.
 
Femen's spokeswoman, Anna Gutsol, said Kovpachik, who staged the protest on her 23rd birthday, was released after being told she would have to appear in court on Monday on a charge of hooliganism. The charge carries a maximum fine of 800 hryvnias ($100) and 15 days detention.
 
Conscious of Ukraine's growing reputation as a new destination for sex tourism, Euro-2012 organisers say they are taking steps to curb prostitution during the month-long tournament.
 
After Kovpachik's protest, Femen activist Olexandra Shevchenko told reporters: "We came here today to stop this Euro fan low-life from making a bordello out of Ukraine."
 
City authorities have mounted the trophy in a temporary exhibition area on Kiev's Independence Square.
 
Hundreds of sightseers were queuing up under the blazing sun for souvenir photographs alongside it when Kovpachik staged her demonstration.
 
Independence Square itself will be the centre of a huge 'fan-zone' during Euro-2012, capable of holding tens of thousands of football supporters.

Link of the week

Auld lads are a gas bit of craic so they are. And they're on Twitter here. By Jaysus...