Trend-setter Ryan Tubridy set the Christmas jumper bonanza in full swing this weekend by donning a range of of wonderful wooly jumpers on the Toy Show. Dublin and just about any area of Ireland with 12 pubs within a confined area is now set to be over run with the colour of Granny’s knitting for the next 3 weeks.
Here’s a run down of what to expect..and what to let yourself in for.
The Conservative:
Just a straight up, inoffensive number. A simple, stately design with some nice symmetry and a safe colour scheme. It’s the classic formula that’s ideal for someone who is more content to blend in amongst the flurry of yuletide celebrations. The every-mans Christmas Jumper.
The Old Fashioned:
An retro article of clothing in and of itself, this style is one that’s cleary being torn from the attic and dusted off in an effort to save money. Nothing wrong with that at all. Durable, slightly crusty around the edges, but wonderfully warm. That irrepressible 80’s pong will float around the pub instigating renditions of the original Band Aid and prompting nostalgia at when Christmas jumpers were just ‘jumpers’
The “Bawdy” type:
For the insecure among you who are slightly too hip for the Christmas Jumper but don’t want to be a Scrooge, this is the one for you. Nothing says ‘Fuck the machine” like a Christmas jumper with something rude on it. A perfectly presentable piece of attire for the season that sets you apart from the squares by showing you to be the street-savvy operator you truly are. This ones for the players.
The 3D Experience
A niche that’s becoming more common with each passing year. Protruding snowman noses (cotton carrots), hanging snow balls, or some sort of shiny thing with a bell in it. The possibilities are endless here and must be chosen wisely. Trailblazing Tubridy caused a ruckus by having his snowman carrot poking in the face of every child it encountered on Friday night, but RTE’s lawyers won’t be there to help you as you approach the 12th pub. Choose this one wisely.
The Lighter-Upper
The pièce de résistance of Christmas jumpers. This is the one for people with the stamina to make it over the 12th pub hurdle and into the club, and brave enough to illuminate the dance floor with cheap tat. Attention will be sought with this number, and the drunken bait will inevitably follow. That extra couple of quid – and how you use it – could be the difference between you being a wooly-clad environment assassin and the living embodiment of Christmas cheer. Only the best can pull this one off – not to be rushed into.