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Dail Eireann releases 'uncut' Xmas Dvd

Shane Ronan-Duggan

 

The Dail has released a new adult DVD in time for the holidays this year. The new compilation called “The Dail: Uncut and Laid Bare” is an imaginative move by the government to generate extra revenue in a year of severe public debt.

The DVD carries an 18+ certificate and features exclusive clips from late night parliamentary, and not so parliamentary, sessions in the Dail, and was inspired by Green Party TD Paul Gogarty's recent outburst of bad language in the chamber.

The DVD features such classic sessions as “Biffo’s bits” and “TDs and Diddies”. A top government adviser had this to say “The government felt we were in danger of losing touch with the youth of Ireland, but we did a little research and found out their favourite things are porn and drinking. So we lowered the price of drink and released the DVD”

With exclusive clips from the lewd acts that are carried out in the Dail every night you'll never need to shout 'out of order'. Enjoy the Ceann Comhairle's firm commanding tone, then watch his massive hammer hit that table HARD!

For an initial special offer additional price of E5.99, you’ll receive free also “Bertie does Bundoran” and “FAS' fees revealed” with exclusive interviews with horny TD’s, and retro material from the 1980’s recession, including Charlie Haughey's notorious orgy with 20 permed Fianna Fail staffers. Watch him tighten his belt, then use it! All tastes are catered for here.

It’s a bold move by the government, but not as bold as some of the stuff that “goes down” on this DVD.

In completely unrelated news:
Office celebrates birthday of Jesus with orgy of drunken groping
Mark Hughes sacked for failure to win league and solve Middle East conflict by Xmas
Spanner TV - If Christmas songs were honest

 

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Miami named most miserable U.S. city

(Reuters) - Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll.

The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list.

"Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years," explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen.

The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income and property taxes, as well as considerations like weather, commute time and political corruption.

Reeling for decades from the decline of the U.S. auto industry, Michigan's troubled duo of Detroit and Flint registered at No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, among the most miserable cities.

"Detroit and Flint are struggling," said Badenhausen. "Violent crime is highest in the country in Detroit; housing prices are down 55 percent. Detroit is closing schools and laying off policemen. In recent years they have been demolishing houses to change their city landscapes"

West Palm Beach, Florida and Sacramento, California rounded out the top five cities.

"We're trying to judge cities where residents have a lot of complaints. It doesn't mean that there aren't terrific things there," he said.

And for the haves Miami's charms remain undiminished.

"The one percent in Miami is doing fantastic. But for the vast majority, who make less than $75,000 (a year), Miami can be a challenging place," he said. "Forty-seven percent of homeowners sit on underwater mortgages. That's tough."